this afternoon.
Oh, that’s nice, she says.
Yes, I say. Spring is here.
About time, she says.
Better late than never, I agree.
I loosen my jacket, adjust my tie, sit back. Land this one and I will be sorted. Fingers crossed.
Funny, if I had not worked at J. Winton’s these last months I might not have qualified for this interview, due to the embalming experience required for this post. I had never met an embalmer before starting at Winton’s, never mind assisted one. Embalming is not for everybody, but. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it, as we in the trade like to say. Good to keep the spirits up – what with the stiff competition – embalmers enjoy a joke, same as. Saying that, I would not have met Ruth either. A twist of fate, as they say.
I have sweaty palms. Take it easy. Deep breaths. I have never interviewed for funeral director. First time for everything. In with a chance. The job calls for experience. I have experience. I have good references. I have a steady hand, level head, a sense of humour. As far as boxes go it’s tick tick tick.
Reminds me, I check my watch. I’m early. I could have caught the later bus, but time doesn’t belong to you in this game, it belongs to those whose time is up. There lies a conundrum. Life is topsy-turvy in the land of the dead.
If I get this one, touch wood, I will give Derek a bell down there by the seaside. Get him out of his retirement deckchair.
Del, Guess what? Go on. No. Try again.
Reckon he’d be well chuffed.
Remember who taught you everything you know, he’ll say.
And I’ll go, Er, wait. Tip of my tongue. Hang about. No, it’s gone.
I walked past Shakespeare’s the other day. They’ve painted it. A new sign up: Greenacre Funeral Services. Part of Greenacre Group Plc. Below that it says: Professional. Discreet. The people you can turn to. I didn’t stop or glance in. I just kept going.
The sun flashes patterns through the window, strobing the walls. Similar pale wallpaper to Shakespeare’s, as I recall.
I think of Ned. I close my eyes. Knobster. There he is, mid-sky, mid-twang. Arms wide, frog legs, head back. A photograph.
Gog! Why can’t it always be like this?
I see us, me and him. Towards the mast we stroll, same as. To the woods where the air is green, along the paths where the tree roots grow. A laugh, seriously mental underfoot. These beech are two hundred years old. Buenos dias. They weave like webs. I watch him gawping up at the canopies – higher than high – mouth open, hands talking, beads raining, as per. Gog! Watch me.
I do watch him, I always did: daring cars to hit, the sky to fall, the world to open, like the oyster he was promised.
We are running, me and Ned. Same old, same as. A long way, a million miles. Lanes, fields, woods. Giddy up. Our carriage is invisible. It flies quicker than the wind, than the speeding sky. No one sees us. Adios. We are galloping galloping gone.
Acknowledgements
My grateful thanks to the staff at the funeral home in the south-east of England, who generously allowed me to regularly intrude upon and observe their work at close quarters, and who patiently endured all my questions.
My thanks also to my agent, Clare Alexander, to Dan Franklin, Steven Messer, Suzanne Dean and all at Cape. And to Philip Davis, Esther Freud, Victoria Jenkins, Marylou Soto, and Robyn Becker. My love and thanks to Mark.
Thank you to Pam and Yi at the deaf and sign language social enterprise, Femaura, in London.
This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.
Version 1.0
Epub ISBN 9781446496466
Published by Jonathan Cape 2012
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Copyright © Kitty Aldridge 2012
‘What A Wonderful World’, words and music by George David Weiss and Bob Thiele © 1967 Range Road Music, Inc., Bug Music/Quartet Music, Inc. and Abilene Music, Inc., USA. All rights reserved. Reproduced by kind permission of Carlin Music Corporation, Range Road Music Inc. and Bug Music/Quartet Music, Inc.
Kitty Aldridge has asserted her right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work
This book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not, by way of trade or otherwise, be lent, resold, hired out, or otherwise circulated without the publisher’s prior consent in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition, including this condition, being imposed on the subsequent purchaser
First published in Great Britain in 2012 by
Jonathan Cape
Random House, 20 Vauxhall Bridge Road,
London SW1V 2SA
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The Random House Group Limited Reg. No. 954009
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 9780224096430
Table of Contents
Cover
About the Book
About the Author
Also by Kitty Aldridge
Dedication
Title Page
Epigraph
Prologue
1. Some clear spells in the east, clouding over later in the evening
2. Windy, but with hazy sunshine developing for most, with occasional hill-fog
3. Cloud at first but drier and brighter conditions developing throughout the day
4. A grey start but brightening up in the morning with some patchy cloud later on
5. Rain will clear in the east, leaving a warm bright day, if changeable at times
6. Mainly dry across the south and east, mild and breezy nationwide
7. A grey start followed by clear spells, then comfortably warm with some sunshine
8. Rain and cloud at first but drier and brighter conditions developing
9. Some outbreaks of light rain and intermittent drizzle expected in the afternoon
10. Any cloud in the south of the region will soon move away, leaving a dry day
11. A dry evening, with some clear spells and cloud increasing through the night
12. A dry start, with keen east or southeasterly winds, particularly on summits
13. Cloudy with light rain at first, becoming brighter and clearer by the afternoon
14. Cloudy and dull, with some light rain or drizzle at first and sunny spells later
15. Mild with strong winds, gradually easing throughout the day
16. Perhaps a bright start but soon somewhat cloudy, with showery rain
17. Drier, clearer, with more moderate winds, which will ease later on
18. Early rain and brisk winds will ease quickly and move eastwards later on
19. A fine day, sunny at first with light showers developing in the south-west
20. A fine and dry day with a good deal of sunshine and some light winds
21. Dry overnight with long clear spells. Mist and fog patches will form in places
22. Patchy light rain possible initially, otherwise dry with some sunshine at times
23. Some low cloud and mistiness, turning foggy later with drizzle possible
24. Dry and sunny, light north-westerly winds mid-morning onwards, cloudier later
25. Mainly dry and sunny. Some mist and fog patches will form in places, especially in the south-west
26. Generally cloudy, drizzle in places, turning bright and sunny late morning
27. Perhaps a bright start but becoming cloudy, with showery rain a likelihood
28. Becoming warm in sheltered areas, unsettled later in the evening, a dry night
29. To the south and east spells of fine, dry weather. Possibility of showers in the west
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
Copyright