before I could jump up, Al placed her hand over mine, and sat down next to me. "Why didn't you tell him? Don't you think he'd understand?"
I pulled my hand back and slid back against the headboard holding my head between my hands. "No, he won't understand. He thinks I'm this incredibly strong person," I looked up at Al, feeling utterly hopeless, "But I'm not. Eric was a mistake I can't undo. Collin's fought his entire life to get his soul back. When he finds out that I took Eric's away..."
"But the reason why you did it matters," Al replied. "It wasn't because you were doing something bad. It was because you were trying to save him. Ivy... "
Eyebrow arched, I gazed at her insane expression. "Al, there's no time for this. He won't forgive me." I lowered my head onto my knees, fighting back tears that wanted to stream down my face.
Al was quite for a moment, and then patted my knee. "I didn't tell him anything." My head shot up, surprised. "It ain't my place. I told him you effonated back from wherever you were and that you were in bad shape. I told him to come around in a little bit, knowing you need to rest some." A soft smile spread across my lips. Collin wouldn't be irate when I saw him. I wouldn't have to beg him to listen to me, so I could tell him what happened. He didn't know.
Al continued, "You're like a daughter to me, Ivy. I'd do anything to help you. What's mine is yours and all that. I think you already know that." She smiled at me. "The last time I had someone like that was Eric. He was my boy. I trained him and raised him right. He was one of the best Martis I'd ever seen. I was proud of him, Ivy - so proud. And I can't say he done wrong with what he did. If you didn't save him in the courtroom, I would have. Injustice is not tolerable." She folded her arms and shook her head, looking away from me. After taking a deep breath, she looked back up. "I knew that would be the last time I saw him. No matter where you took him, he couldn't come back. And I thought that'd be the last I saw of you as well. But here you are. Right in front of me again." She smiled sadly.
I didn't realize that Al didn't favor every Martis she took under her wing. It seemed like she was just as sweet to Shannon and the others, but maybe that wasn't it. Maybe she was accessible to all of them, but somehow Eric and I had claimed special places in her life. She looked at me like I was a child - her child. Thinking back, she did the same thing to Eric when he first introduced me to her. She beamed with pride and blatantly said he was her favorite. I thought she was a spooky old nun, but Eric knew better. He knew how amazing she was. Al patched him up after the Valefar killed Lydia, the girl he was going to spend the rest of his life with. No doubt Al sat with him and warned him of God-knows-what, while he was trying to recover from that nightmare. She transformed him into someone good and bled most of the hate from his heart. Eric had very little left by the time I'd met him, and I understood why he had it.
Some anger is difficult to release. Once, Eric told me that we were alike, and that must have been why the old nun put us together. In some ways we were. We lost more than we could bear, and we kept things buried too deep inside. I watched Al's face as I was thinking these things.
A question crossed my mind, one that I hadn't had the guts to ask before now, "Why don't you blame me for Eric's..." I closed my eyes not wanting to say it. When I opened them again, I looked into her aged face and asked, "How could you still talk to me after what I did to him? How could you sit here and act like everything is fine? I'm a monster. I did the unthinkable." Before that night I had no idea how much Eric meant to her. He was her child and I killed him.
She smiled sadly at me, "How could