Torn (Torn Series) Page 0,61

shop, doing tune-ups and tire rotations. It meant that we saw each other even less than before and secretly, I was glad. I could barely look at him without the guilt of what I had done eating me alive. I knew I should tell him what had happened, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was well aware of the fact that I was a horrible person, and I felt like I needed to suffer by myself, or maybe I was simply a coward. I knew once I told Logan about Drake there was no going back from all of this and I would not only lose my boyfriend, but my best friend as well and I wasn’t ready to give him up yet, regardless of how selfish that made me.

The only bright spot in all of this mess was the fact that I had spent so much time holed up in my room and the library studying, that when finals came, I knew I had passed every single one of them with flying colors.

Winter break was upon us and I decided to go home with Amber to her parent’s house to spend Christmas. Janet was actually pretty cool about me missing so much work when I asked her for the time off. She explained that with most of the college students leaving, business would slow down and the rest of the employees would be able to handle it with no problem.

The night before we departed, I had all of my things that I was taking with me packed up and loaded into Amber’s car that, as well as the presents I had bought for her and her parents, Dave and Emma. Since Logan had just started his job, he decided to stay here over break to pick up extra hours even though his boss told him it wasn’t necessary. I was slightly disappointed by this, despite the fact that I had been trying to avoid him. It was our first Christmas together as a couple and the first Christmas since I had met him that we wouldn’t be spending together. It seemed like an omen of our future, being together would be what kept us apart.

Since he had to work tonight, we had spent the previous evening together exchanging gifts and saying our goodbyes. I bought him a new video game that he had been eyeing every time we went out for the past month and he bought me a gift card for Amazon so that I could buy more books for my Kindle that Emma had given to me for Christmas last year. After he managed to beat almost half his game in two hours, we spent the rest of the evening cuddled up together before saying our farewells.

I decided to go to bed early since we were leaving at dawn, but after an hour of tossing and turning with sleep nowhere in sight, I got dressed and grabbed my keys. I drove around Morgantown and the surrounding area before finding myself taking the same exit Drake had taken that night that felt like so many years ago now. I passed the hidden road twice before finally spotting it.

I drove for what seemed like hours and began to wonder if I had somehow gotten turned around when I entered the clearing. Parking in the same spot Drake had, I got out and my way to the edge of the bank. I felt that sense of peace I had before as I watched the water gently and churn. I looked around and noticed a small path that led to the water’s edge and made my way down carefully, slipping and sliding as I went.

When I finally reached the water, I sat on a rotting log and took my shoes off, dipping my feet in the water. Winter was fast approaching and the night was cold, the water freezing. I pulled my jacket tighter around me as I let the water dumb my feet and my thoughts. It felt nice to just let everything go for a while, to not have the dark cloud of regret and guilt hovering just over my head like a storm cloud.

The worst part of it was that while I felt regret over hurting Logan, I didn’t feel the regret I should about actually sleeping with Drake. Despite the horrible ending, the night had been one of the best I could remember in my life and despite everything that was happening, I would