a fucking expert at reading body language and micro expressions, yet I hadn’t read such a simple emotion.
Or was it that I hadn’t seen it because I didn’t want to. That would mean complications I didn’t want to get into. Decisions. Choices. All the things I’d avoided for all these years would have to be addressed.
I’d have to explore my own heart. Discover my own feelings. I wasn’t ready for that. Maybe I’d never be.
“Fuck, I’m confused. I’m not sure about anything right now. Eva or the mission.”
“I’ve always admired your courage. But ignoring Eva’s calls is you acting like a coward. You can try to run away from your feelings, but that doesn’t work, because guess what? They go with you wherever you are because they are inside you. There is no fucking escape, buddy. When are you going to do the math and realize you have it so bad for Eva, you are just fooling yourself?”
Tell me about it. Nothing worked for me anymore. I couldn’t escape the feelings running around inside me. Fuck knows, I’ve tried. I’ve drunk myself to a stupor just to wake up with a hangover from hell, a parched throat and an aching body, but still the feelings remained.
Maybe it was time I changed my ways. Just maybe Savage was actually on to something valuable. Something that would take this ache away permanently. “I’m pretty much fucked. How am I going to do anything about it now we’re leaving?”
“You’re a smart fucker. Work it out.”
I narrowed my eyes, the cogs in my brain churning at a hundred miles per hour.
“Are you suggesting I abort this mission?”
Savage looked at me as if I’d lost my mind. “I’m not suggesting anything. All I’m saying is get your priorities straight. What matters most to you? Once you’ve got the answer to that, the rest is easy. You’ll make the right choices when you know what’s important.”
“Don’t tell me you’ve been listening to those fucking motivational talks again?”
“So what if I have? It’s not rocket science. You’re in denial and until you get your head out of your ass, life will always be a struggle. You don’t need me to tell you that, but consider it a friendly reminder.”
Savage’s words packed a mean punch. Ironically, everyone always thought of him in a purely physical way, thanks to his Hulk-like size; they thought that he was all brawn and no brains. They couldn’t be more wrong. Savage had heart. And he was clearly a lot smarter than me.
“Point taken,” I said wryly. It was a little too late to change anything now.
“Ryder and Jade need your—our help—to find Eva. What if she really is missing and not just on a holiday? The longer nobody knows where she is, the more dangerous her situation becomes. We’ve seen that so many times in the past. Don’t wait too long before you come to your senses, is all I’m saying.”
Slumping forward in the seat, I rested my head in my hands. Perspiration formed on my brow and trickled down the side of my face.
Eva needs me. I’d fucked up so many times in the past I was beyond redemption. But if Eva was in any kind of danger, I had to do something to save her. I just had to.
“There is no way out of this mission until it’s done. How am I going to get back in time?” Deflated, I sounded desperate even to myself.
“Haven’t you heard a fucking word I said? There is always a way, Summers. Always. You just have to figure it out, buddy.”
Swiping the back of my neck with my hand, I had no clue as to how to fix this. I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes. We were stuck in this flying machine for many, many hours.
I have time to think.
If something bad happened to Eva, I’d never forgive myself. Not in a million years. Life without her in it wouldn’t be worth living.
It had taken me a long fucking time to admit it, but with clarity came complications. I was up against so much more than the obvious. The puzzle had started falling together, admittedly slower than I would have liked. Someone was screwing with me. Someone had planned to get me out of the way.
There was only one person who’d go to such extreme lengths. One person who had the power and resources to make it happen. One person who would gain the most if I never came back