his penis," said Tilly. "Although it's more typical in our culture to refer to it by its various euphemisms. Dick. Prick. Peter. Pecker. Mickey. Roger."
"I didn't know they could grow to that size," Nana said in awe. "You suppose it's real?"
"Of course it's real! Why does everyone think it's not real?"
"Have you looked?"
"I don't need to look!"
Nana gave a little suck on her teeth. "I'd look."
Tap tap tap.
"Kee-REIST!" screamed Ashley, glaring at the door.
"What are we having in here? A freaking convention?"
"That'll be George," said Nana. "He'll be wantin' to let us know when to expect the cab. He made the phone call for us. He's such a gentleman."
Ashley jabbed her gun at the two empty chairs near me. "Sit," she instructed Nana and Tilly. "And no funny stuff. Or else what happens, Emily?"
"Swiss cheese," I droned.
Nana furrowed her brow at me. "I thought there was no such thing as Swiss cheese."
Ashley thumped to the door. Nana angled her head to observe Etienne from another perspective. "I don't recollect your grampa's bein' that big. You s'pose your young man takes vitamins? Do you have any idea what kind?"
"Well, if it isn't George," Ashley enthused. "Come on in. Join the crowd."
"I just wanted to give Marion a message," he said as he crossed into the room. "The taxi will be here in--Is that a gun?"
"Bingo." She poked it in his face and motioned him toward us.
He raised his hands in the air like a nabbed TV bad guy and marched in our direction. "Does this mean we won't be needing the cab? I should probably call them back to cancel. I mean, that would be the polite thing to do. Holy cow!" he blurted when he saw Etienne. "What happened to him?"
"Picture fell on his head," said Nana.
"No. I mean about his roger."
"IT'S REAL ALREADY!" I shrieked.
George nodded matter-of-factly. "Looks like the trend to downsize is affecting more than just the Hershey bar these days."
We all stared at George with eyes as round as teacups. Nana's mouth contorted into an O of surprise before sliding into a euphoric smile. She caught my eye. "You can forget about those vitamins, dear."
Ashley stood to the side of George, panning her gun from left to right at all of us. "Well, are we all here? Or are we expecting more guests?"
"It would be nice if Jackie and Tom stopped by," Nana suggested. "They're a real interestin' couple."
"The ambulance should be arriving shortly," I reminded Ashley. "Are you planning to hold the paramedics at gun-point too?"
"That pistol of hers only holds six bullets," George observed.
"And she's spent one already," I said. "So that leaves five. If you're hoping to kill all of us, you better hope there's only one paramedic, else you're going to be a few bullets short."
From a great distance, we heard a faint whir of a far-off siren. I cocked my head, straining to hear, then smiled. "I'd guess that's the ambulance now. Luck of the Irish. They're early."
She did a shifty thing with her eyes, looking a bit indecisive, before bolstering herself up on her crutches. "All right, y'all. Everybody up." She urged us to our feet with her gun. "Form a line now. Short people in front. And no arguing! It's not an exact science."
Nana took her place at the front of the line, followed by George, me, then Tilly. "I'd like to be at the back a the line once," said Nana, "just to get a different perspective."
"Very good," Ashley complimented us. "Now, very slowly, walk toward the closet."
"What are we gonna do once we're there?" asked Nana.
"You're going inside," said Ashley.
I saw Nana shake her head. "Tilly just come out of the closet. I'm not sure she's keen on headin' back in again."
Ashley shadowed along beside us as we marched to the deep-set mirrored closet that flanked the bathroom door. "Stop right there," she directed when we were about five feet away. "Don't anyone move." She hobbled around us, slid open the closet door, backed inside, switched her gun to her left hand, then with her right, pressed something near the hanging rod that caused the wall behind her to glide open, revealing a hidden passageway of dark, unlit stone and a smell of dankness that hit us full in the face.
"Well, would you lookit that," Nana marveled.
"Secret passages," I muttered. That's how they'd been able to leave their bloody footprints, and rearrange furniture, and steal personal items, and scare people to death. They could come in through