a closer look.
It’s hard to believe that the woman that caught my interest loves words and stories when I can’t even read a sentence.
Love can really exist anywhere, between anything and anyone. I pause sharpening my knife and think back about the night she laid on my chest after we fucked, and she said something about a certain book in the bookstore that she wanted but wasn’t permitted to touch.
Yeah, that’s changing.
When I get her home, she’s going to have all the damn books. I’m going to buy her that bookstore. Andrew is dead. She would want it. I should have killed him earlier and then maybe she could have gotten it sooner.
Sigh.
I can’t change the past, but I can change the future.
“What did you say Seer said?” Reaper asks me for the thousandth time.
I reach in my back pocket and pull out one of my journals, flip to the first page, and see the drawing of her that I made while I watched her sleep.
I swear to god when I get her back, I’m always going to watch her. I don’t need to sleep, but I need to make sure she’s okay.
“Tongue! Focus,” Reaper snaps his fingers in front of me, blocking my view of my drawing. He grips the journal and tries to take it out of my hand and a water droplet falls between the space of his finger and thumb. Damn it.
I need my punishment. Maybe then it will snap me out of my depression. I had no idea I could feel like this. I’ve been ice, stone fucking cold, but Daphne, her light, so warm and bright has melted me.
The man I’m becoming I don’t know, but I’m better than what I used to be and that has to count for something, doesn’t it?
“Hey, I’ve been there. All of have when it comes to our ol’ ladies. The journey to get to happiness is a long one.” Patrick slaps his hand on my shoulder and flips his sobriety chip in the air, catching it before it falls on the ground.
“I…don’t understand why this is happening,” I state confused. “But I feel like I need to. I feel…” I rub my and over my heart because it hurts. It physically fucking hurts. It’s as if someone has reached inside me shredded me apart. “I feel…” I try to explain again, but I can’t find the words. I stab the knife in the table and growl. I’m fucking angry. I’m angry she isn’t here. I’m angry I can’t move my damn arm from the fucking bullet. “I’m so pissed off.”
“Good. We need that,” Knives says, throwing his ninja star into the air. “Use it because wherever she is, she’s going to need you to fight for her.”
“Till my death,” I say with obvious undertones.
Reaper gently tugs the journal out of my hand and closes it. “I know it’s a tough time, but I need you to focus. What did—” Reaper’s ringtone goes off and Poodle snickers when the Hocus Pocus theme song blares as the cellphone chimes. “—Who did this? I’ll find out,” he seethes. “And when I do…you’ll be fucking sorry.”
“It was me,” Slingshot whispers in my ear. “It was me, I changed it. Good, right? I set it for the NOLA group. It’s fitting.”
“I don’t care,” I grumble, sliding the journal back in front of me.
“Seer, we were just talk—of course you know that” Reaper drops his head in his hand and exhales, stressed. “No, we haven’t found her. Yes, I know we exhaust you. I didn’t ask for you to have visions of us. Seer, I am very thankful. Why are you being a prissy fucking bitch about this? Jesus, you blame us for your gift, if you don’t want to fucking help, don’t, but the last thing I need is for you to continue bitching about it. The next time you have one of your visions, just ignore it if you hate it so much.” Reaper hangs up the phone just as it rings again and he throws it across the room, smashing it against the wall. It crumbles to pieces and the Hocus Pocus movie ringtone droops to a stop. “Damn it.”
“You need to stop doing that. It’s getting expensive,” Tool states.
Reaper narrows his eyes at Tool, daring him to say one more thing that Reaper already knows.
Another phone rings, and it’s the Adam’s family ringtone. “What the…” Bullseye pats his pockets and hangs his phone to Reaper. “It’s Seer.”
“I did that