only woman I’ve ever loved. I can’t survive if she doesn’t love me back.”
“Why are you like that?”
“People don’t like me,” I say, shrugging again. “They’ll use me for my size, but they don’t let me close. Never have. My grandparents raised me. Put me in fights when I was eleven because I was big and ate too much. They claimed I needed to help pay for my food. That was bullshit. They never saw me as a real person. I was an evil thing in need of punishment. That’s how it’s always been. People don’t care about me, and I don’t care about them. Well, until Bronco.”
“Lana’s husband?”
“Yeah. I’ll die to protect him. But he’s not my friend, really. I’m a weapon he uses, and he’s more of an idea than a person to me. I thought Bronco was a sign that I could be something more. The night I met him might have just been a fluke, but I wanted to believe in him. He’s a good president, too. Smarter on his worst day than my old president was on his best. It feels nice to be part of something real here. But I don’t feel accepted with them. Not like I do with Pixie. She’s the only person to love me, and I know she really does. Pixie doesn’t lie like other people.”
Fairuza sighs heavily. “She wanted to leave the Village, but we had nowhere to go. Zest was gone, and we couldn’t go home. When Daniel from the Village offered us sanctuary, I never imagined watching my children starve,” Fairuza says and runs her fingers over the grass. “I tried to be what the Volkshalberd wanted, but I couldn’t lie well enough. Now, I’m afraid I’ll fail again with all the rules and expectations here.”
“Let me tell you a secret about the people in the Woodlands,” I say, and she leans closer. “Don’t let the big houses and shiny cars fool you. We’re outlaws. Their rules can mostly be ignored. You can be yourself here. If they don’t like something you do, they can talk to me. Not that I’ll care. I don’t want Pixie to change. If she was a normal woman, she wouldn’t love me like she does.”
Fairuza rests her chin on her knees. “I miss Zest. I know he’s already living his next story, and I should let him go. I still miss how much his big heart lit up a room.”
I pat her back as gently as my big fingers can. “I’m sorry those assholes killed him.”
Her blue eyes find me. “I’m sorry no one ever loved you before.”
Smiling, I look over the backyard. “Everything must feel overwhelming, and you probably want to be left alone to adjust. In a few days or weeks, though, we could do many things in the backyard to make you feel more at home. The atrium idea sounds interesting. Growing plants in cold weather or whatever. I don’t really know how that shit works.”
“But your yard will be filled with new things. An atrium and a playset. Will you miss the way things were?”
“I don’t care.”
“You say that because you want to please Pixie. But you care.”
“I’m like you. Changes put me on edge, but I’m also excited about how life can be with the five of us. The Village wasn’t right for your family. You have too much strength and spirit to be in a place where they reward submission and sacrifice. My house probably feels like more than you need, but it’s full of possibilities.”
Fairuza turns slightly to see me better. “Do we have to visit the people today?”
“You don’t have to, but Pixie does. If not, my people will keep coming here and wanting to meet her. After today’s party, they might leave us alone. Then, you’ll only see people when you choose to.”
“I want carrots to make juice with,” Fairuza says, standing up. “I don’t know why I need that one thing. Except it’s all my brain focuses on whenever I’m worried. I feel that if I could make my juice, I’d be more me than I am without making it.”
“Then I’ll run to the store and pick up whatever vegetables you want,” I explain while getting to my feet. “After the situation with John Marks and these other jackasses dies down, you’ll go to the store any time you want.”
“I don’t know how to drive well.”
“That’s okay. I can pay someone to drive you around.”