the same way she did on the side of the road when we’d sit in the grass.
That modest gesture is likely the only reason we arrive at my place without me descending into a fit of violence.
In all the years I’ve been clean, I doubt I’ve ever needed a fix as badly as I do right now.
Bronco doesn’t help by idling next to my garage and behind the SUV. His tension feeds mine until I find myself nearly breaking my fingers in frustration.
“You need to deal with this shit,” Bronco says when I walk over to him. “This afternoon, you get them settled. Tonight, you’re at the clubhouse where we figure out what happens next.”
“I don’t know what to do with them,” I admit, but Bronco’s dark eyes offer me no pity.
“I’ll send Topanga and Lana over to help, but you better show up at the clubhouse tonight or else. I don’t give a shit if you’re bigger than me. I’ll kick your ass if you blow this off, Anders.”
“Why would I blow anything off?”
Bronco narrows his eyes, glaring at me. “Because you’re a junkie with a new addiction. I know how that turned out for your last president.”
Frowning at him, I can’t see his side of this situation. The noise in my head is making me crazy. Hell, I can barely see my side.
Bronco glances at Pixie shuffling over with Future in her arms. He notices her bare feet and then focuses on me.
“Anders, you built a good life here,” he says, using his dad voice. Then he sounds more like my club president when he adds, “Don’t fuck it up.”
After I watch him ride away, I’m forced to deal with my instant family. A part of me wants to run. Not so different from when I was a kid and considered escaping my hellish home.
Of course, I never ran away, just like I never killed myself whenever I considered that exit. I always backed down and stuck with the hell I knew. Mostly, I feared any new direction would make things worse.
The only times I leaped into the unknown were after Bronco spared me, and when I brought Pixie to my house.
Looking at my honey, I accept how running isn’t an option.
PART 2: NO LONGER IN THE WILD
PIXIE
Anders behaves as if he’s a stranger in his house, and we’re acting cruelly by inviting him inside. I’m overwhelmed between wanting to calm him and needing to help my family. Mama keeps sniffing everything. Dove has no energy to do more than breathe and follow me inside the house. Future buries his face in my chest, afraid of the big house’s high ceilings.
“Who lives here?” Mama asks Anders.
I stand in the kitchen with Future and Dove while Mama lingers at the back door looking out on a large green area called a yard. Anders stalks over to her, irritated by her question.
“I do.”
“Who else?”
“No one,” he mutters, frowning down at her. When Mama glares up at him, unafraid by his size or angry face, he starts rubbing the back of his neck too hard. I can see the skin turning red.
Mama opens her mouth to yell at him. I know the look on her face. That’s the one where she’s about to explain what someone did wrong. Then she takes him by his wrists and stares up at his big face.
“As much as I loathe to hurt an already broken man, you need to hear the truth. Pixie can’t fix what’s torn up inside you. No one can. What you want isn’t something we can offer. Coming here was a mistake.”
“You were starving,” he says in a cold voice.
“People are starving everywhere. Are you planning to put them all in this big house of yours?”
When Anders looks scolded, Mama sighs heavily. If Dove wasn’t so tired, she could help me think of how to make everyone feel better.
“Mama, I saved food from last night,” I explain in a soothing voice. “So much is left over. Potatoes and broccoli. We can eat. Then we’ll shower and find clothes brought over by Anders’s friend.”
“Why do we need to shower? We’re clean.”
“The smell of our clothes makes Anders sad.”
“So, we’re his slaves now?” she asks, chuckling angrily. “Should we kiss his feet next?”
“You were taking shit at the Village,” Anders growls down at her. “Why can’t you take a little here?”
Mama refuses to admit her fear of Anders. She isn’t young like Dove, and her heart doesn’t warm for him like mine does.