by the sudden change in her that I don’t say anything for a second.
Molly tips her head back against the seat, her eyes closed. “Everyone knew something was wrong. I used the wrong silverware and misspoke during the ceremony. And God, my hands wouldn’t stop shaking. I might as well have hung a sign around my neck: FAKER.”
“No one noticed anything. I thought you did great.”
She looks up at me, her face twisted in disbelief. “Don’t lie to me. You more than anyone know how important it is that we each play our parts, and I’m fucking it up.”
“No, you aren’t,” I say, this time more forcefully. “My men loved you. If they don’t now, they will. You did great. You’re safe now. We are safe.”
She takes a deep shuddering breath, and I can see her lips trembling. Her hands shake in her lap. “You don’t know what it is like to be me, Viktor. You have always been wealthy. You’ve been a part of this world forever, and you are always, always, in control. Of yourself. Of those around you. You don’t know what it feels like to be tossed around by life.”
I want to let Molly thinks whatever she wants. I want to throw the car into drive and speed away from this night, from this conversation. Soon enough, Molly will find her footing. Everything will work out, I’m sure.
Still, for some reason, I stay put. For some reason, I tuck the car key in my pocket and sit back in my seat, settling in to tell a story I never planned to tell.
“Did I ever tell you how my parents died?”
Molly goes still the way all people do when I bring up the subject of my parents. No one wants to touch it. It’s uncomfortable and messy and, more importantly, I don’t like to tell it. The story makes me look weak. It isn’t something I broadcast.
She shakes her head, and I take a deep breath.
“It was a fire while we were sleeping. The only reason I woke up is because Fedor came into my room to tell me. I’m still not sure why he didn’t go to our parents’ room. Maybe the way was blocked with smoke or … I’m not sure. I never asked, and I guess I’ll never know now.” I shake my head and try to get back on track. “He woke me up, and I knew I had to save him. The house was already starting to come down and there was smoke everywhere. The only thing I could do was get him out through the window. I didn’t have any other choice.”
Molly reaches out and lays her hand over mine the way I tried to do with her. Except, for me, it works. Her touch is gentle and it soothes me in ways I didn’t know I needed. I continue.
“We stood in the yard while our neighbors called for help. Fedor fought against me, desperate to get inside and save our parents, but I couldn’t let him go back in. It was too dangerous. He asked me to go in. He begged me to save them, but I couldn’t. I just stood there in the grass, watching our house and our parents burn up.”
“You were young,” she says. “What else were you supposed to do?”
All of the possibilities flash through my mind. I’ve had many years to imagine the many different ways I could have rescued my parents and pulled them from the flames. I’ve also had years to imagine how my actions could have changed things for Fedor. Would he have gone through the same struggles he did if our parents had been around? I’m not sure, and it doesn’t do any good to ask. Things are the way they are.
I pat her hand and then remove it from mine, turning the car on and shifting it into park. “I know you are overwhelmed right now, but don’t be fooled into thinking my life has always been easy. I may look like I’m always in control, but that is the point—that’s how I look. Like you, like everyone, I’m doing the best I can with what I have. From here on out, I expect you to try and do the same.”
5
Molly
I push the fruit around my plate and try to bite back a yawn. The wives of the Bratva have been in my dining room for going on two hours, and I’m exhausted.
Not just from today, but from the unending