I sighed. “Kishan, I don’t want you spending all your free time watching over me. You’re obviously fixating too much on the past. You should be enjoying your new life. Did you date anyone while you were home last fall? Did you go out or take some classes?”
He looked away. “It’s not the past I’m fixating on.” He sighed. “Classes don’t interest me much.” He stood and walked over to the rail. He leaned over and stared at the lit pool below. Softly, he said, “And it seems that the only girls I’m ever interested in . . . always belong to Ren.”
I stared at his back surprised. He turned around and leaned a hip against the railing. He watched my reaction cautiously, his expression vulnerable and solemn.
I stammered, “Are you serious?”
“Yes. I’m serious. I’m a fairly candid, straightforward kind of guy. I don’t joke about this kind of thing.”
“But I don’t get it. Yesubai I understand, what with her violet eyes and long black hair, but surely you—”
“Kells, stop right there. I’m not teasing you or playing any games. It took me a long time to decide if I should even say anything. Look, I know you love him, and I’d never think about trying to take you away from him. At least not when I know there’s absolutely no chance you’d have me anyway.” He smiled dryly. “I don’t handle rejection well.”
He folded his arms across his chest. “But, yes. If Ren wasn’t with you, I’d do everything in my power to keep you in my life. To win you for myself.”
I sat back on the bench, shocked. “Kishan. I—”
“Hear me out, Kelsey. You . . . calm me. You heal what’s broken and give me hope that I can have a life again. And, despite what you may think, you’re as beautiful as Yesubai was. I feel . . .” He looked away from me as if embarrassed, and growled, “What kind of a man am I? How could this happen to me? Twice! It serves me right. This time, Ren wins. It’s fair. We’ve come full circle now.” He turned back to me. “Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to burden you with this.”
Kishan was different when Ren wasn’t around. He let his vulnerability show and didn’t try to cover it with the arrogance and bluster that he always produced to bother Ren. I knew he was speaking sincerely. His heartfelt words affected me deeply. It saddened me. I knew that he needed to recover from the past as much as Ren did. I decided to try to lighten the mood.
I stood and hugged him. I meant it to be brief, but he held on as if I was his only anchor to humanity. I patted his back and broke away. Then I took his hand and pulled him back to the seat. I adopted my mother’s no-nonsense approach to difficult situations. She always said that the best thing you can do to support someone is be their friend and be honest.
I said, “Well, Kishan, for the record, if Ren wasn’t around, I’d date you in a heartbeat.”
Kishan scoffed, “Look, Kells, just forget I even said anything, okay? It’s a moot point anyway.”
“You know, I never said thank you for punching Ren and making him come after me in Oregon. I would have never been brave enough to go back to him.”
“Don’t make me out to be the hero, Kells.”
“But you were my hero. I might not even be with Ren if it wasn’t for you.”
“Don’t remind me. The truth is, I wanted you back probably as much as he did. If he hadn’t gone, I would’ve gone after you to get you for myself, and we might be having an entirely different discussion right now.”
For a minute, I let myself imagine what would have happened if Kishan had come for me at Christmas instead of Ren. I punched him lightly in the arm.
“Don’t worry; I’m here now. It’s probably just my cooking you love anyway. I make a mean double chocolate chip peanut butter cookie.”
I heard him mumble softly, “Right . . . cooking.”
“Can we be friends?”
“I was always your friend.”
“Good. I have a friend and a hero. Goodnight, Kishan.”
“Goodnight, bilauta.”
I turned at the door. “And don’t worry. Your feelings are probably just temporary. I’m sure the more you get to know me, the more annoying I’ll become. I have a grouchy side you haven’t even seen yet.”