a minute, my heart stopped. I slid open the door and stepped out onto the veranda. The head moved.
“Kelsey? What are you doing up?”
My poor heart fell back into a dormant state. “Oh. Hey, Kishan. Nightmare. What are you doing out here?”
“I sleep out here often. I like being in the open air and it’s easier to keep watch on you.”
“I think I’m pretty safe here. I doubt you need to keep watch over me while we’re here.”
He moved over and invited me to sit beside him. “I’m not going to let anything get to you, Kelsey. It’s my fault it happened.”
“No, it’s not. You couldn’t have stopped it.”
He leaned his head back against the cushion, pressed his eyes closed, and rubbed his temples. “I should have been more vigilant. Ren thought I would be less distracted than he was. The truth is, I was probably more distracted. It would have been better if I’d never gone to America.”
Confused, I asked, “What do you mean? Why do you say that?”
He looked at me. Golden eyes pierced mine as if searching for the answer to a question he hadn’t asked. He tore his eyes away brusquely, growled, and muttered to himself, “I never learn.”
I picked up his hand. “What’s the matter?”
He reluctantly met my gaze again. “Everything that’s happened to us has been my fault. If I would have left Yesubai alone, nothing would have changed. She would have been Ren’s princess, and she wouldn’t have died. You wouldn’t be in danger now. My parents would have lived normal lives. Because I couldn’t control myself, everyone around me suffered.”
I put my other hand over his, cradling it between mine. He turned his over and clutched my fingers.
“Kishan, you loved her, which I have learned was a very rare thing during that time. Love makes you do crazy things. Yesubai wanted to be with you despite all of the negative ramifications. I bet that even if she knew her life would be cut short, she’d most likely go through it all over again.”
“I’m not entirely sure of that. I’ve had a long time to think it over, and Yesubai and I barely knew each other. Our secret meetings were very brief, and I would be dishonest if I said that I haven’t suspected her of acting as a pawn in her father’s game. I don’t really know if she loved me. Somehow, I think that if I was sure of that, then it would have all been worth it.”
“She tried to save the two of you, didn’t she?”
He nodded.
“She wouldn’t have gone against her father if she didn’t at least care for you. I don’t see how she could have resisted you anyway. You’re as good looking as your brother. You’re sweet, and you’re very charming when Ren’s not around. If she didn’t love you, she was crazy.
“It also makes sense because in my mind the only way she could have possibly refused Ren was if she loved you. Besides, my life would have been much sadder without Ren and you in it.” I squeezed his fingers. “It’s not your fault that these things happened. Lokesh is the one who did these things, not you. He probably would have come after your amulets even if Yesubai hadn’t been a part of your lives.”
“I made a deal with the devil, Kelsey. When you do that, there are prices to pay.”
“You’re right. When you make wrong choices or bad decisions, you always have to face the consequences. But, falling in love is not a bad choice.”
He laughed self-deprecatingly. “For me it is.”
“No, agreeing to go behind your brother’s back was the bad choice, but, in the end, you chose your family. You chose to protect and stand by Ren and help him escape.”
“It was still a mistake. I shouldn’t have trusted Lokesh.”
We sat and rocked quietly for a moment.
I whispered, “Making mistakes is what makes us human. It’s how we learn. My mom always said that making a mistake isn’t bad; what’s bad is refusing to learn from it so you don’t repeat it.”
He leaned over and put his head in his hands. He spoke quietly as if mocking himself, “Right. You’d think I’d learn. Not to repeat history, I mean.”
“Are you in danger of repeating history?” I teased, “Been in contact with Lokesh, have you?”
“I’d kill Lokesh if we crossed paths again, without hesitation. But, am I in danger of repeating history? Yes.”
“I don’t think you’re likely to betray your brother again.”