“I’m sorry, Li. I should have put some more thought into it.”
He was still laughing. “Don’t worry about it. It’s a good sign. Grandma Zhi would say it’s good luck in Chinese culture. It means we’re compatible.”
“Yeah,” I said thoughtfully, “I guess it does.”
We went back to the game after eating, and I played robotically while thinking about what he’d said. He was right in many ways. We were compatible and probably much more suited for each other than Ren and I were. Like Sarah and Mike, these were normal people, a normal family. And Ren was . . . not. He was immortal and gorgeous. He was too perfect.
I could easily envision making a life with Li. It would be comfortable and safe. He would be a doctor and set up a private practice in the suburbs. We’d have a couple of kids and vacation in Disneyland. The kids would all take wushu and soccer. We’d celebrate holidays with his grandparents and have all his friends and their wives over for barbeques.
A life with Ren was harder to picture. We didn’t look as if we belonged together. It was like matching up Ken with Strawberry Shortcake. He needed Barbie. What would Ren do in Oregon? Would he get a job? What would he put on his résumé? High Protector and former Prince of India? Would we purchase a time-share in a wild animal theme park so he could be the main attraction on weekends? None of it made sense. But I couldn’t deny my feelings for Ren—not anymore.
It was painfully obvious that my rebellious heart yearned for Ren. And, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself to fall for Li, the fact of the matter was that I was always drawn back to Ren. I liked Li. Maybe someday I could even love him. I definitely didn’t want to hurt Li. It wasn’t fair.
What am I going to do?
After I played badly for another hour, Li drove me home. It was early evening when he pulled into the driveway. I looked at the windows for a familiar shadow but didn’t see anything. The house was dark. Li walked me to my door.
“Hey, are my eyes deceiving me or is that mistletoe hanging up there?” Li asked, squeezing my elbow.
I glanced up at the mistletoe and remembered my resolve to kiss Li tonight. It seemed like so long ago. Now everything has changed. Hasn’t it? What about Ren? Could we really just be friends? Should I risk everything and take a chance with Ren? Or go with a sure thing like Li? How do I choose?
I’d been quiet a long time, and Li was waiting patiently for my answer. Finally, I turned to him and said, “Yeah. It is.”
I put my hand on his cheek and kissed him softly on the lips. It was nice. Not the passionate kiss I’d been planning, but he still seemed happy about it. He briefly touched my face and smiled. Li’s touch was nice. Safe. But, it wasn’t anything at all like what I felt with Ren. Li’s kiss was a speck of dust in the universe, a drop of water next to a raging waterfall.
How do you live with something so mediocre when you’ve had something so exceptional? I guess you just do and learn to treasure your memories.
I twisted the key in the lock and cracked the door open.
Li hollered happily, “Night, Kelsey. See you Monday.”
I watched him drive off and then stepped inside the house to face the Indian prince waiting for me within.
6
Choices
I stepped through the entryway and closed the door behind me, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness. I wondered if Ren was next door and debated whether or not to sort things out with him tonight.
I stepped into the living room and gasped softly when I spotted the familiar form of my blue-eyed white tiger sprawled out on the leather couch. Ren raised his head and looked straight into my soul.
Tears came to my eyes. I hadn’t realized that I’d missed this part of him, my friend, so much. I knelt down in front of the couch, threw my arms around his neck, and cried big alligator tears, letting them spill down my cheeks and into his soft white fur. I petted his head and stroked his back. Ren was here. He was finally with me. I wasn’t alone anymore. Suddenly, I understood that he must have felt this way too, being without me