up and Sloane went for a walk. She had not quite figured it out, who she was and what she wanted, after all, and that discovery, that there was yet more to discover, didn’t make her feel excited about the balance of her life. It made her feel tired.
Sloane didn’t know when it changed, she knew only that something had. Wes had always been charming; every woman who met him went away smiling. But he had never been charming with Sloane. He’d never shown her his teeth.
But sometime that summer Wes began doing little things, like teasing her. Letting his eyes linger on Sloane’s legs whenever she wore a skirt.
Richard noticed. For a while he didn’t say anything. But Sloane would feel it in the kitchen. She’d walk in and Wes would say something and she would laugh and they would look at each other and then she’d turn to see Richard watching from across the room. She could best describe it as feeling like she was lit up by stars.
The feeling was amplified by the fact that this was happening in a restaurant. Her restaurant. Restaurants in general were theatrical. Every body was dressed up, celebrating. Meanwhile the owners and chefs and waiters were putting on this performance every night. Sloane was the lead actress; and the chef, who was tall, handsome, and smart, was flirting with her; and her husband, the chef-owner, was watching. And though Richard approved of it and was even titillated, there of course was a grain of jealousy. That jealousy turned him on and it turned Sloane on, too. She felt powerful.
It had been nearly a decade since she’d seen Wes in the walk-in freezer, hiding from the amorous ladies on New Year’s Eve, but the image had stayed with her. Nothing much had changed about him except that now he was shining his light on Sloane. He was still with one of the women from that night. Her name was Jenny and Sloane knew her. Wes and Jenny had three children together but were not married. Sloane imagined they had an open relationship because of Wes’s nature and because Jenny had been with women on and off for years. One night when Richard said to Sloane, What do you think about Wes? she did not immediately think of Jenny.
You mean me and Wes? Sloane asked. They were lying in their bedroom. Sloane had just finished doing her nighttime exercise set. It always included butt lifts, Jane Fonda–style, but often she would also do side leg lifts and sit-ups. She had been doing some version of the exercises, on a carpet next to her bed, since her battle with eating disorders had first begun. They took only about five to ten minutes and she never missed an evening, even if she was drunk or stoned or both.
What do you think? Richard said.
Sure, she said, looking up at the ceiling. Why not?
Several weeks later, she found herself alone in the restaurant with Wes. There were other people, actually, busboys and such, but they didn’t count in that they weren’t part of Sloane’s social circle. Richard had just kissed her good-bye. He was taking their children out for barbecue.
Sloane had recently gotten a new tattoo. It was near the bikini line. The spot was tender and the sensitivity made her excited.
She found Wes filleting a fish. His face was always darkened by stubble. He always looked a little sloppy. Sloane was flirtatious by nature and at the same time her sexuality was finely calibrated. At given moments, she found herself amplifying her nature or toning it down. With Wes she didn’t really move the meter in either direction. She was turned on by the fact that she could be herself.
Hey, she said.
Hey you, he said, looking up. Between her legs she felt a pulse.
I got a new tattoo.
Did you?
They both smiled. She asked if he would like to see it. Richard and Sloane’s house was just next door, where Wes had often come to drop things off or have a coffee. Bringing him back to the house felt very safe and normal.
She texted Richard. She told him what she was about to do. She knew she had his blessing. She also knew he liked it when she took the initiative this way, after he’d made a suggestion. She knew he liked to abdicate his power. She was happy to please him.
In her bedroom she pulled down the waist of her pants to show Wes the tattoo.