at this point, but now slowly and coolly he reached around and slipped a finger inside her.
I want to eat out your pussy, he said.
The word pussy made her feel strange.
He positioned her so that she was lying down as much as she could on the seat. He moaned as he brought his mouth between her legs. His shirt rode up and she pulled it back down because she knew he was self-conscious about his belly. Even when Lina got lost in the moment with Aidan she still had to keep an eye out for something that might spook him.
Eventually she straddled him again and reached behind her back to grab his penis. She lubricated it against the opening of her vagina then lowered herself down and began to ride him. She felt so tall, felt that her head was bursting through the roof of the Suburban and floating up among the stars.
A few minutes later she felt him go soft inside her. She knew it was guilt, that he had gone back inside his head.
It’s okay if you wanna stop, she said. She pushed herself up so that she was kneeling on his thighs.
He shook his head and grabbed her shoulders and shoved her back down. Her legs were burning by this time. Then he flipped her around on his penis so that they never came apart. Lina had tried executing this move with her husband but he would say, Ow! And Lina would think, Ugh.
He held her by the hips and lowered her up and down his shaft. He started doing it faster and faster until she knew he was about to come. She got dizzy imagining his pleasure. He began to slam her down faster still and then he came on her back. She’d been close to having an orgasm herself but the Cymbalta made it hard. She felt his semen inching down her backbone. She wanted to smear it all over her body.
She grabbed his hand and said, Put your fingers inside me. Then she showed him with her hands how fast and how far in to go.
He took the instruction very well and she came easily, though her own orgasm felt like an aftershock. An infinitely less important thing. He said he had to go pee. They both got out of the truck and dressed in the cold.
He peed a stream into the brown trees and said, I gotta go, Kid, I’m gonna be in so much trouble.
She nodded and he was gone faster than she could have imagined. She stayed for a little while, listening to the sounds of the night. The rustling of tiny animals in the thicket. She felt completely untethered, like this was not her country, not her universe. He was gone and there was nothing left.
I’d be ready for round two, she wrote to him. She knew it was hopeless but felt compelled.
Nope, he wrote back. You took the life outta me. Smiley face.
I’m so sorry, I was nervous, and talking so much.
That’s fine, Kid. It was sexy.
She put her hand to her chest. Those words would be enough to get her through at least the next week.
But now it’s nearing the end of that week and Lina needs another hit so she is back at the river. Trying on her new dress. Checking her reflection in the rearview mirror. Earlier, after the courthouse but before the winery, she drove to Walmart and bought a pack of American Spirit, which is what Aidan smokes. There was a young, very overweight man in a Rover driving around the bright store, reaching for corn dogs in packs of a hundred.
People around here don’t take care of themselves, Lina says to anyone she thinks might understand. They don’t see any bigger purpose to life.
Now she takes several selfies in her new houndstooth dress. She doesn’t use a filter or any elaborate editing tools. She posts several shots to Facebook and feels pathetic but also excited and alive. When she’s done, she changes back into her cargo pants in case she decides to return the dress. It’s so easy to pull pants up over her flat stomach these days. She takes one last moment at the river, looking at the pack of cigarettes in the cup holder, the yellow wrapper with a bright red sun. She stares at the pack and fingers it. She takes one cigarette out and holds it in her hand. Then she starts the car and drives home in the