only so Aidan can see she’s having conversations with other people, with men who are not him. Because her life is more than him. Or so she wants him to believe.
She spent more money than she felt comfortable spending on a houndstooth dress but it fits fantastically. It’s a size eight. She weighs only three pounds more than she weighed in high school. She pairs the dress with tall black riding boots and she feels beautiful. In the new and lovely dress she can’t really afford, she looks off at the muddy pontoon boat and thinks about the first time they were at the river.
Lina has clear days when she tells herself the truth. Most days she depends on the fantasy version. But on clear days she knows Aidan is not the greatest man in the world.
It was all me, she will eventually tell the women in the discussion group. I believe he never would have cheated on his wife if it weren’t for me. Especially not the second time and all the times that followed.
The shock of saying this out loud is a lot to bear.
I roped him in, she says, like a cowgirl. I roped him in using Facebook.
The first time at the hotel was one thing but the second time she all but forced him to see her, she says. She friend-requested his buddy Kel Thomas early in the day. Then she sent Aidan a Facebook message asking if he wanted any of the toys her two kids had outgrown. It was getting close to the holidays, and the first time they’d been together, at the hotel, he told Lina he was working overtime so he could get his girls all the things they wanted for Christmas.
So she wrote to him, If you want these toys—you can have them all for nothing—you could meet me somewhere later on and I could give them to you.
Aidan asked her to send some pictures of the toys.
Really, she says to the women in the room, the only thing he cared about was the toys for his girls and the only thing I cared about was him. And that made me feel pathetic.
She took her phone down to the basement with her children trailing her and corralled all the items into an attractive bunch and said to herself, I can’t believe I’m doing this, just for the chance of seeing this guy.
She sent the picture of all the toys. Then she waited.
Her daughter said, Mom, what are you doing with our old stuff?
They began to play with some things. They turned on an old Fisher-Price keyboard and Lina’s son jammed to a demo song.
A ding. Aidan had written back: Nah. No thanks.
Her eyes widened in shock, even rage. She had corralled all these toys for him, she had gone out of her way, and here was this insipid, indifferent little response? Nah. No thanks.
But she wanted so badly to see him. Meanwhile Kel Thomas accepted her friend request and later that night he started Facebook chatting with her. He was calling her doll and sweetheart and hot lady.
She saw Aidan come online and wrote to him.
Well you sure as heck must be related to Kel Thomas because you boys talk exactly the same!
Changed my mind, Aidan wrote back. Toys could be good for my girls. Where do u wanna meet.
Her heart rose into her trachea.
I know he wasn’t one hundred percent sure he wanted to see me, Lina tells the women, but he was sure he didn’t want me to see somebody else.
They arranged to meet behind a golf cart warehouse halfway between their houses.
She got dressed. She applied perfume to her wrists and the backs of her knees. When she was thrillingly on her way, he texted to say he wasn’t sure he wanted to meet.
That was the precise moment his waffling began. It would set a precedent for every future interaction—the crazy, anxious Will I see him or won’t I panic that would undercut even Lina’s happiest times.
Now now, she wrote back. Come on I have all the darn toys packed into my car!
For minutes there was nothing and she tried to concentrate on the road but her heart was beating so fast and her limbs were trembling.
Then her phone rang in her lap and she jumped in her seat and picked it up.
She heard his voice.
You know the County Line Road?
She knew right away that he meant for them to meet at the river. Probably he had just