of sadness for him, was a distressing little spurt of relief. She’d not like the idea of taking a husband away from his spouse and children to spend his days— his nights— with her.
Yes, better that he not have a wife.
She much preferred that.
Felicity set his drink on the table, strategically knowing that he’d have to peel his back from the wall and sit across from her in order to drink it.
“Please.” She motioned to the chair he’d occupied earlier, before settling herself in her chaise across from him.
He took his seat just as carefully as before, leaning forward to claim the drink and tossing it back in one mighty swallow.
Felicity sipped at hers, blanching a bit at the startling burn. It wasn’t at all unpleasant though, as the heat spread across her tongue and down her throat, lingering for several moments.
The aftertaste reminded her of baked apples.
“Miss Goode,” he hesitated. “I can’t help but wonder why you engaged my services without speaking to the other applicants for comparison. The choice seems…”
She mentally catalogued all the words he didn’t say. Idiotic. Ridiculous. Impetuous. Foolish.
Sighing, Felicity abandoned her drink for a moment, needing to recover from her initial sip. “I suppose I should warn you of this before you learn it on your own. I am… an infuriatingly absurd woman. I often find myself irrationally fearful in the presence of strangers. In fact, I’ve dreaded this day since I posted the advertisement, because I’d have to meet with so many new men— er— people. The very thought exhausted me. I didn’t sleep one wink last night.”
“That doesn’t make you absurd, especially considering your recent ordeal—”
“That’s just it.” She changed her mind and retrieved her glass again, taking a bolder sip than before. “My attack has little to do with it. I’ve always been this way.”
His grip tightened on his glass, and he leaned forward a little, clarifying the impression of dark, deep-set eyes and a serious mouth. “What are you afraid of, Miss Goode?”
She released a wry sound from the back of her throat. “I fear nothing of consequence and everything beneath the sun. Saying the wrong words, for example. I dread the trivial and the inevitable, such as appearing silly and weak in the presence of gruff and capable men.” She motioned in his direction with a wry smile.
She ticked her fears off on her finger. “I fear the improbable, such as the sky falling or the streets flooding, or being hit by lightning in a storm. I fear losing those I love the most, even though that’s unavoidable. I fear dying. I fear living. Most recently, I fear that someone might burn my house down with me still inside it.” She paused, clearing a gather of emotion from her throat so she could bring the moment a bit of levity. “Yesterday I most feared that the sheer breadth of my ridiculousness would be revealed to my future personal guard, and here I am exposing it to you voluntarily.”
“You’re saying… hiring the first man who appeared on your doorstep saved you from that torment.” He didn’t state this as a question, but she heard one beneath the words.
Felicity plucked at a seam in her skirts, carefully considering her answer. “I hope you’ll forgive my forwardness, but that isn’t at all what I was getting at. I hired you because… because even though you startled me when we met, you didn’t frighten me.”
“I… don’t follow.”
She wasn’t certain she did either, but here they were. She was about to make herself vulnerable to his ridicule and somehow, she didn’t care.
She wasn’t afraid. For once.
“There is something about your presence, Mr. Severand, that I find comforting. And with a nervous disposition like mine, a reassuring presence is like a rare treasure, indeed. That is why I engaged you on the spot. I… felt immediately safe with you.”
He didn’t answer for a beat longer than she expected. “But… I told you I am a dangerous and violent man.”
“And, as it happens, I am in need of a dangerous and violent man.”
He sat stock-still but for his shoulders lifting and lowering with what seemed like labored breath. He said nothing. Just remained immobile for an increasingly unsettling length of time.
“Does that… Did what I revealed bother you?” she worried.
He set his glass down and stood abruptly, retreating toward the window, beyond which a misting rain dimmed the light of the streetlamps. He stared out into the darkness for a moment, and Felicity absurdly wondered if