gut instinct that told me I was making a mistake.”
I nodded and pulled her in for another brief hug to comfort her. “I guess I’ll just have to see how it goes. The problem with me is that I just don’t hear anything telling me that trusting Damian would be a mistake. My instinct says to trust him, but I keep making up excuses why I shouldn’t.”
Her face was completely serious as she warned, “Don’t let fear make your decisions for you, Nic. It will suck every ounce of joy out of your life. Do you really want to wonder what it would have been like if you’d given Damian a chance, even if it doesn’t turn into something you want forever? Do you want to carry those questions along with you for the rest of your life?”
“No,” I told her. “I’m just not sure he’s the best guy in the world to trust with my first fling.”
A mischievous glint sparked in Kylie’s eyes. “The really orgasmic, beautiful ones rarely are. They’re a huge risk. I guess that’s what makes them so damn exciting. Live a little, Nic. When have you ever been so attracted to any man?”
I swallowed hard. “Never. Which makes this really scary.”
“If things go bad, you know Macy and I will be here for you when it’s over,” she said solemnly. “But I think not taking a chance at all would haunt you far worse than the melancholy you’ll experience for a while if it ends badly. At least you’d know that Damian wasn’t your Mr. Orgasm.”
My heart clenched as I wiped any sign of my tears from my face.
When I was old and gray, I didn’t want Damian Lancaster to be my one regret. For once, I wanted to live dangerously, and maybe a little bit recklessly. I was thirty-two years old, and I’d never put myself out there to find anything more than an okay-for-now boyfriend.
I did want more, and Damian was the first man who had ever tempted me to take a risk to experience that elusive something more.
“I’ll think about it,” I promised. “I’m not as brave as you are when it comes to taking chances. I wish I was.”
She smirked. “Sometimes I wish I could be as cautious as you are, so that makes us even.”
I wanted to tell her that being guarded, and wanting to always make my mother proud, wasn’t exactly a great way to live, either.
My mom had busted her ass as a single parent to make sure I’d gotten everything I needed as a kid, and as an adult. In return, I’d second-guessed every step that I took to make sure it was the right one. I hadn’t rushed into anything that might disappoint her, or hamper my ability to be successful.
Maybe that was why I’d always played it safe with the men in my life.
If they didn’t distract me from my career goals, maybe I’d thought that was a good thing.
I’d been Mom’s entire world, and she’d become mine, too.
Not that she would have wanted me to sacrifice anything for her, but I’d been her only child, so I think subconsciously, I’d wanted to do all I could to make her sacrifices worth it.
I shot my best friend a dubious look. “Being squeaky clean can be incredibly boring. Didn’t Mom ever warn you about jumping in headfirst without checking to see how deep the water was first?”
Kylie shook her head. “Never. She wanted everyone around her to be happy. Just like you do. You got that from her, you know.”
“I wish I was more like her,” I said with a sigh. “I wish I was petite, charming, and adorable.”
“She wouldn’t have changed a single hair on your head, Nic. She loved that you were tall, blonde, curvy and absolutely gorgeous. She always talked about how beautiful you were, and how much you took after your dad.”
“She did?” I was astounded. Mom had never mentioned my father all that much to me.
“She talked about how much you were like him all the time,” Kylie responded. “She wouldn’t have changed that, Nic. Your father was a brilliant engineer, and she never let anyone forget that her daughter was as scholastically gifted as her father was.”
I smiled at her weakly. “My father was really tall, too. Maybe being a giant isn’t all that bad if you’re standing next to a really tall guy who doesn’t make you feel like an Amazon woman.”
“Hmmm…maybe somebody like Damian Lancaster?”
I took a deep