armpits so uncomfortable that I have to move my arms. Play starts, and my foster brothers are playing offense. With each play, they gain ground, and inside, I’m cheering for them. I’m praying for them. I will the universe to take note of how much they deserve to win and make it so.
Logan is playing quarterback, his strong, agile body swathed in the huge shoulder pads that go some way to protecting him against the huge defense of the opposing team. The skill he shows in his evasive movements and throws is mesmerizing. Hunter is further forward, his bigger frame combined with speed, making him the perfect tight end. They make the play seem easy, and for a while, I relax into watching them.
As they stretch further ahead on the scoreboard, Cathy’s messages start again.
Why are you here? Do you think Justin needs you to cheer for him?
He doesn’t need you. He doesn’t want you.
You’re not part of things anymore. You made your bed, now go and lie in it.
I try to fix my attention back on the game. It’s only the end of the first quarter, and my nerves are frazzled.
“They’re playing well,” Aubry says. “I think they have a good chance of winning this game.”
“Don’t speak too soon,” the girl next to her says. “You know how easily these games can switch.”
“True. Logan is doing good, but I wonder if Coach will bring Sean in later in the game.”
“Is that what usually happens?”
“Sometimes. I guess it depends on how Coach is feeling about the state of play. Sean’s so gorgeous. I just love watching him play. That ass in those tight pants. He could crush walnuts with those glutes.”
I nod in agreement, even as my heart drops into my stomach. Aubry doesn’t know what’s going on in our house. She has no idea that she’s talking about someone who I care about, someone who has been inside my body and held me in his arms. The violent surge of jealousy I feel isn’t fair to Aubry, but I can’t help it. My hand clenches so tightly that my fingernails cause painful crescents in my skin. I start thinking about all the other amazing women there are in the world that could make my foster brothers happier than me. They could have their own lives, their own women who’d give them their own families. They’re saying that they want a relationship with me, but what do they know? They’re so young. They don’t know me well enough. They feel sorry for me because of all the things that Cathy has rightly pointed out.
I imagine Sean leaning down to kiss Aubry. He’d tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear and graze her lips with his in a teasing whisper of a kiss. He’d smile against the skin of her neck while he whispered all the dirty things that he’d like to do to her when they’re alone. Maybe they’d get married, and he’d make love to her, filling her with babies, raising his family with the hard work and dedication I know he gives to everything he does.
My heart is pierced by my own thoughts.
The game continues, and the team switches into defense. I spot John and Reggie, and the triplets. The more physical the game gets, the harder it is for me to watch. The impacts they take to their bodies must bruise, and it breaks my heart. Those bodies were mine for a time. Those bodies were perfect and beautiful, and now they’re getting pummeled.
I don’t like this game. I don’t like the way they have to suffer for their passion. I hate the way Justin is getting the run around them. Justin’s team scores, and I want to scream. He doesn’t deserve to steal glory from my foster brothers. He should be forced to hide in their shadow.
Cathy is screaming her support, celebrating like a mad thing when they get closer to equalizing, but it’s only temporary. It’s as though the more fired up she gets, the worse her vitriol becomes.
Justin told me you were bad in bed. He said you just lay there and expected him to do all the work. He told me that he was thinking about me the whole time, wishing it was me there and not you.
I have no way of knowing if her words are true, but they still sting like the landing of a whip against tender skin.
He said you were desperate for him to stay with you.