of the magazines.
Nothing.
“I wanted those sheets. They’re really beautiful and they feel—”
“You have bamboo sheets.”
“Not in light green. I have them in white and light blue.”
“How many do you need?”
“Listen, Penny, I work hard. As you know. I like nice things. I can afford nice things. And so I buy them. Okay? I like to own nice things.”
“They own you. You don’t stop working so much because you have to keep making money to pay for things you buy that you do not need.”
I looked at her. Licked my lips and pushed my hair back off my shoulders. “Let me ask you something.”
“Ask.”
“Do you need everything you’ve got?”
“No. No! And that’s why I’m getting rid of it! You just helped me fill up all those bags of clothes to give away. And I’ve brought nearly all the stuff I had in the attic to Goodwill.”
“Where, next time we go, you’ll buy it all back,” I said.
“No, I won’t. In case you haven’t noticed, Miss Perceptive, I have not been buying much of anything but groceries.”
“Well, good for you. Why don’t you get rid of everything you don’t need?”
“I will. That’s my goal. I don’t want these … things anymore. They’re an unnecessary complication. A hindrance.”
“You know what? You’re the hypocrite, Penny. You will never give away all the stuff you don’t need! Look at all the kitchen toys you have. I never saw anyone with more kitchen toys than you, and you hardly ever even cook! Why don’t you give away one of your precious Microplanes? You have three different sizes!”
“I gave them all away.”
“What? To whom?”
“To Kate Webster, who loves them and who cooks a lot and will use them.”
I sniffed. “You might have asked me. I would have wanted them.”
“Why? You cook less often than I!”
“I just like them. I would have wanted them.”
Penny shook her head. “For a smart woman, you are really dense. You just keep on.… And here’s another thing. What about how you say you want a meaningful and lasting relationship? What do you do about that?”
“Hasn’t worked out.”
“You don’t let it work out!”
Silence.
Then, more gently, she said, “What about that hippy-dippy love affair you had, that guy you never got over?”
“Who, Dennis Halsinger?”
“Yeah.”
“He’s not here.”
“Well, he’s not dead!”
“Well, he’s not here.”
“Well … Google him!”
“I’ve tried! He’s not … Googleable! And anyway, what good would it do? He’s in Tahiti!”
“You are so stubborn. When are you going to see that you keep moving in the wrong direction to get the things you say you really want?”
“I suppose when Miss Guru finally gets through to me.”
“I’m saying this for your benefit, you asshole!”
I threw down my magazine. “You know, Penny, you are not yourself lately. I don’t know if you need more sleep or what, but you are not yourself. You’re always so pissed off!”
She looked down. “I know. I don’t feel good. I’m going to the doctor tomorrow to get some tests done. I’m probably anemic or something. I’m tired all the time.”
Three days later, she walked in my door and said, “Come and sit down with me. I’ve got something to tell you.”
We cried, of course, both of us. We talked statistics, prognoses. I saw that my hands were shaking and I made them stop. I asked her, “What should I do for you?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know, be with me, I guess, as much as you can.”
“Do you want to go somewhere? Do you want to take a road trip?”
Her answer was in her smile: too late. But then she said, “You know what you can do for me? Use your skills in some meaningful way right here instead of running all over the country. Slow down, step back, be inside your own skin, live. Open yourself to love. And give back in some meaningful way!”
I sat still, listening.
Then she said, “I think you should volunteer at the Arms.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s a hospice in Saint Paul. They do really good work. I thought about going there when I … I thought about going there but Brice and I decided I’d stay home.”
“A hospice?” I said.
“Will you do it?”
“Oh God, that would be so—” I stopped myself, but she knew what I’d been going to say.
“It’s not depressing,” she said. “It’s a very life-affirming place. I promise you.”
“Yes,” I told her. “Yes, I will volunteer at the Arms. And I’ll … I’ll work on doing all those other things, too.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
She smiled and leaned back in the chair.
I did stay with her as much as