TAKE TWO_ Who says you can't ma - Heather M. Orgeron Page 0,85
my embarrassment. “Survey says, yes!”
“I don’t understand this,” Sofia mumbles with her brows furrowed. “Why can’t parents have sex?”
Hannah looks from Sofia to Carlos and waggles her brows. “Moving right along.”
The women tick off the answers one after another: “freedom,” “money,” and “waistline,” earning my wife the coveted book.
She jumps up out of that seat, waving it around like Willy Wonka’s golden ticket. Fuck, but she’s adorable, waddling around like a little penguin.
I’m not at all disappointed that we lost, having fully intended to give her the book if I’d won anyway. I’ve got a lot to make up for in being absent so much in the beginning with Ellie.
This time around things are going to be different.
Liam
Showtime
“Liam!”
I’m in the kitchen, jamming to some old school rock while preparing an all-American breakfast for my girls when I hear my wife calling my name from the bathroom. “Don’t touch anything til I get back,” I instruct my daughter as she snatches a piece of bacon from the tray before switching off the burners and griddle.
“Is it time?” I’m panting when I reach the bathroom, ready to wrap her in a robe and toss her into the car.
“No, idiota.” Idiot. She’s kicked back in her oversized clawfoot tub, looking like a queen, with bubbles piled to the top and just the peak of her pregnant belly showing. “I need your help.”
“Sure thing, babycakes. Want me to scrub your back?” I approach the tub, leaning over to whisper into her ear. “Provide some more semen to soften the cervix?”
She clears her throat. “I can’t see to shave my pubes.”
My eyes widen. My suggestion sounded like a whole lot more fun. “Come again?”
“I’m due in two days, Liam. I can’t deliver this baby with a forest down there. You’re going to have to shave me.”
“Nuh-uh. Call Hannah. I’m not getting anywhere near your vagina with a blade.”
Her eyes roll. “I think the easiest way to accomplish this is if I lay on the floor of your shower? Then we can just rinse the pubes down the drain.”
I’m pacing the bathroom now. “Woman, I said no.”
“Cut the shit, husband. You helped create this problem, and you can help get me out of it. Hannah and I are not shave each other’s pubic hair close, okay?”
I cringe. “Hate to tell ya this, darlin’, but neither are we.”
Completely disregarding anything I’m saying, she pulls the plug with her toes. “Help me out of here?”
Sigh. I retrieve her white fluffy bath sheet from the hook and hold it under my arms while easing her up and out of the tub. “They aren’t that bad,” I lie, staring down at the inch-long hairs between her legs. “You don’t really need to groom them.”
“I can’t see over my belly to shave them.” She wraps the towel, hiding herself from view. “I can, however, see the disaster that it has become in the mirror.” Her eyes start to well with tears. I can’t wait til this baby is born and she stops being so sensitive. I never thought I’d miss being yelled at, but I’d take that any day over her tears. “Forget it. I’ll just be humiliated while delivering our baby because you are too selfish to help me.”
Five minutes later she’s spread-eagled, resting back on her elbows in my shower. I’ve got a bucket of warm water, a pink Venus razor, and lavender-scented shaving cream laid out in front of me. The things I do for this woman.
By the time we make it out to breakfast, my appetite is gone, washed down the drain with my wife’s pubes. Nya and Ellie, however, demolish the platters of eggs, bacon, and hash browns in no time.
“There’s Mrs. Larson.” Ellie wipes her mouth at the sound of the car horn before giving us each a kiss and running out to hitch a ride to her first day of sixth grade.
“So.” I lean across the island toward my wife. “What’s it gonna be today? Cum shots? Nipple stimulation? I am here for all of your baby evicting needs.”
Her eyes widen and she pulls her lips into a flat line. “Won’t be necessary.”
“Really? You’re no fun.”
“My water just broke.”
Suddenly I’m feeling a little green. “Oh, God. See what you made me do? Bet I nicked it with the razor.”
“The bag of water is way up inside. You couldn’t have nicked it. Don’t be ridiculous.”
I’m running around the house collecting bags and keys and shoes while she looks on, smiling behind her hand.