chilly day. She called out for Taffie as she went into the kitchen, grabbed his lead as he jumped out of his basket. She bent down, clipped on the lead and picked him up for a cuddle. Setting him down, she grabbed a red beanie from the table in the hall and pulled it determinedly over her head. Letting herself out the back door, she took a deep breath of sea air. Its tangy smell and salty taste lifted her spirits. Taffie bounded around by her ankles and pulled on the lead, keen to get on with it; she was desperate to see Greg, yet a pool of dread was also gathering in the pit of her stomach like a poison.
She took the route up by the village first, and was going to cut down onto the beach further on. The local pubs and hotels were busy with crowds gathering for the big night. Tinsel glistened in doorways and fake snow filled windows. The Rose Hotel was advertising a ‘Candlelight New Year’s Eve for Couples’. She yanked Taffie impatiently who was sniffing the pavement next to the hotel.
The air was clear and the sky was a beautiful milky blue, remarkable for January. It was as if nature was hinting at what spring might hold. Seagulls screeched in the sky above her. The sun was low in the sky, but it still cast a shimmer over the sea, reflecting tiny sparkles of light back at her from the horizon. She kept up a good pace as her boots made a pleasing clip-clip on the pavement.
She headed down towards the beach at the next break in the pavement. She had grown to love the smell of the sea, the salt, the feel of the wind whipping her hair. There wasn’t much that couldn’t be shaken off by a walk down by the lapping waves, looking for tiny shells, hearing the crunch of sand underfoot. Would he turn up?
At the beach, she let Taffie off the lead. She gazed at the sea; some surfers were still out on the bay, sitting on their boards. Clad in black wetsuits they straddled their boards, waiting for the best waves. She looked to the right to search for Taffie, then just as she turned back the other way she saw a figure so recognisable to her, shoulders hunched against the wind.
Go on, said a voice, you need to speak to him. Suddenly, she was running, slowly at first, then she picked up pace. She was desperate to see him. Thump, thump, thump – her feet hit the wet sand and she was gaining on him. Maybe she was worried about nothing. Maybe he’d scoop her up and cry with her on the sand. Maybe – no, she didn’t want to think about it.
As she approached him, he frowned, wary.
‘Thank you for coming,’ she panted. ‘We need to talk.’ She put a hand on his arm.
He started to walk. ‘Look,’ he said gruffly, ‘I don’t really want to talk anymore. Ed was furious with me at Christmas. I didn’t deserve all that anger. I have no idea what you said to him—’ his gaze burrowed into hers ‘—and why he thinks so badly of me. It’s beyond teenage mood swings. I didn’t deserve that!’ He marched ahead of her and she ran to catch him up.
They fell in step walking along the edge of the shore. ‘No, no you didn’t.’ She knew the next revelation would cut even deeper, but she had to tell him. Everything. Now. Or she’d lose him forever.
‘Look, Greg,’ she said, holding on to his arm to stop him walking so fast. ‘There’s something you need to know, something that has affected me and will affect you and I’m not proud that I haven’t told you.’ She took a gulp of air. ‘But you have to believe me—’ she could feel the tears ‘—I always thought it was for the best.’ She was trembling. She wrung her hands together and looked in his eyes, hoping for some compassion.
His dark chocolate eyes bored into her. ‘What?’
It was never meant to be like this.
She let out a breath as the wind bit into her face. ‘When my mother told you I’d been bleeding, I had. And I did lose a baby.’
He nodded. ‘You’ve told me this, Maddie. I know you didn’t have an abortion now. I understand it’s what your mother wanted me to believe, I know you lost the baby...’