flinch as Levi took his arm. Nothing on his face gave any indication he knew what was happening or cared one way or the other what was being done to him. He was like a living puppet, only moving when his master pulled his strings.
“No,” I said, pushing back hard against the headboard. I didn’t want to see him hurt Ronnie, even to test me. I had an idea I knew what was coming, and I wasn’t so sure I could keep from losing it. “Please.”
Levi’s eyes locked on mine. “This is a necessary step to your recovery. I can’t help you if you don’t let me do this. You’ll be fine.”
Warmth flooded over me and I nodded. I sucked back the blood that was still dribbling from my gums, used it to temper the hunger raging inside of me.
My head felt cloudy, as if it was full of thick smoke. It made it hard to think clearly, made it hard to order my thoughts. I knew if I were to really think about it, I would never hurt Ronnie or Levi or the girls upstairs, but the Madness had a way of fogging my mind. All it would take is one moment of confusion and one of them would be dead.
But here in Levi’s presence, I did better. Something about him allowed me to take control of my own brain, forced me to see through the cloud and understand that the moon didn’t have complete control over me. Only I did. Once I realized that, the rest would be easy.
Levi studied me a moment more before pressing the knife into Ronnie’s palm.
Blood immediately welled in the wound, filling his hand. It spattered on the thin plastic sheeting Levi had spread on the floor before we started.
My throat closed up as soon as the smell of blood hit me. I couldn’t look away from it even though I knew I would have to soon or I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from flying off the bed. The urge was too powerful. There was no way I was going to be able to control my hunger.
Levi tipped Ronnie’s hand so the blood pooling in his palm dripped onto the plastic. Each drop sounded like a gong to my ears as it hit the floor.
I started panting. My every muscle tensed as if I was going to spring, but yet I stayed put. I could almost taste the blood, could almost feel it on my tongue. The scent was overpowering, it filled my senses until it was the only thing I knew.
And still, I held back. As much as I wanted to feed, I knew I couldn’t. I could hold on, I could wait it out. Levi would eventually leave me alone in the room and I could relax. I just needed to hold on for a few minutes more and it would all be over.
I forced my gaze from Ronnie’s bloody palm. His arm was littered with tiny scars, as if this wasn’t the first time this had happened. It was easy to imagine him sitting there, letting Levi cut him night after night, just so the bigger man could save someone just like me.
My hands dug into the mattress so hard it was a wonder my fingers didn’t pop through. I forced myself to ease my grip even though I was half afraid to do so would be to ease the tentative grip I had on my control. Each finger unclenched slowly, the ligaments and joints popping as I straightened them. It hurt like hell.
“Get him the fuck out of here,” I growled. I was shaking violently now. As much as I wanted to keep control of my hunger, it just wasn’t happening. I was trying hard to breathe through my nose because I could taste the blood on my tongue every time I opened my mouth.
I felt myself moving forward and stopped just before I leaped from the bed. Ronnie was too close. I could be on him in half a second, could have my mouth on his hand, teeth tearing at the flesh, long before Levi could even think to pull him away. I could suck on the wound until the flow slowed and then finally stopped. It wouldn’t kill him.
Not right away anyway. If I were to move my mouth a mere two to three inches up to his wrist, I could feed until completely sated.
I think the fear of not being able to stop was