hormones .
I needed to masturbate and I'd be calmer.
Less angry all the time.
He touched me, said he'd show me how to do it right.
That I was doing it wrong - " "Gideon, no."
I pulled back to look at him, imagining in my mind how it would develop from that point on, all the things that would have been said to make it seem like Gideon was the instigator in his own rape.
"You were a child in the hands of an adult who knew all the right buttons to push.
They want to make it our fault so they have no culpability in their crime, but it's not true."
His eyes were huge and dark in his pale face.
I pressed my lips gently to his, tasting my tears.
"I love you.
And I believe you.
And none of this was your fault."
Gideon's hands were in my hair, holding me in place as he ravaged my mouth with desperate kisses.
"Don't leave me."
"Leave you? I'm going to marry you."
He inhaled sharply.
Then he pulled me closer, his hands careless and rough as they slid over me.
Impatient rapping against the window made me jerk in surprise.
A cop in rain gear and safety vest looked at us through the untinted front window, scowling at us from beneath the brim of her hat.
"You've got thirty seconds to move on or I'll cite you both for public indecency."
Embarrassed, my face flaming, I climbed back into my seat, sprawling in an ungraceful tumble.
Gideon waited until I had my seat belt on, then put the car in drive, tapped his brow in a salute to the officer, and pulled back out into traffic.
He reached for my hand, lifted it to his lips, and kissed my fingertips.
"I love you."
I froze, my heart pounding.
Linking our fingers together, he set them on his thigh.
The windshield wipers slid from side to side, their rhythmic tempo mocking the racing of my pulse.
Swallowing hard, I whispered, "Say that again."
He slowed at a light.