That made it harder for me to get over him, because there was a part of me - the little girl I'd once been - who'd wanted Nathan dead for a long time.
Who'd wanted him to hurt like he'd hurt me for years.
I'd lost my innocence to him, as well as my virginity.
I'd lost my self-esteem and self-respect.
And in the end, I'd lost a child in an agonizing miscarriage when I was no more than a child myself.
I got through every day one minute at a time.
I forced myself to go to Parker for Krav Maga, to watch TV, to smile and laugh when it was appropriate - most especially around Cary - and to get up every morning and face a new day.
I tried to ignore how dead I felt inside.
Nothing was vivid to me beyond the pain that throbbed through me like a constant dull ache.
I lost weight and slept a lot without feeling rested.
On Thursday, Day Six After Gideon: Round Two, I left a message with Dr.
Petersen's receptionist letting her know that Gideon and I wouldn't be coming to our sessions anymore.
That evening, I had Clancy swing by Gideon's apartment building, and I left the ring he'd given me and the key to his apartment in a sealed envelope with the front desk.
I didn't leave a note because I'd said everything I had to say.On Friday, one of the other junior account managers got an assistant, and Mark asked if I'd help the new hire get settled.
His name was Will and I liked him right away.
He had dark hair that was curly but worn short.
He had long sideburns and wore square-framed glasses that were very flattering on him.
He drank soda instead of coffee and was still dating his high school sweetheart.
I spent much of the morning showing him around the offices.
"You like it here," he said.
"I love it here."
I smiled.
Will smiled back.
"I'm glad.
I wasn't sure at first.
You didn't seem all that enthusiastic, even when you were saying good stuff."
"My bad.
I'm going through a tough breakup."
I tried to shrug it off.
"It's hard for me to get excited about anything right now, even things I'm crazy about.