“And he still hurts you?”
“Yes, he still wins, but at least I hold him off as long as I can.”
I dipped the sponge again, squeezing water over him, trying to maintain a soothing rhythm. “You shouldn’t judge yourself. You were only a child.”
“So were you.”
My eyes closed tightly against the knowledge that Gideon had seen the photos and videos Nathan had taken of me. “Nathan was a sadist. It’s natural to struggle against physical pain, so I did. That’s not bravery.”
“I wish it had hurt me more,” he bit out. “I hate that he made me enjoy it.”
“You didn’t enjoy it. You felt pleasure and that’s not the same thing. Gideon, our bodies react to things by instinct, even when we don’t consciously want them to.” I hugged him from behind, resting my chin on the top of his head. “He was your therapist’s assistant, someone you’re supposed to be able to trust. He had the training to f**k with your head.”
“You don’t understand.”
“Then make me understand.”
“He … seduced me. And I let him. He couldn’t make me want it, but he made sure I didn’t resist.”
Moving, I pressed my cheek to his temple. “Are you worried you’re bisexual? It won’t freak me out if you are.”
“No.” He turned his head and brushed his mouth across mine, his hands lifting out of the water to link our fingers together. “I’ve never been attracted to men. But the fact that you’d accept me if I were … Right now I love you so much it hurts.”
“Baby.” I kissed him sweetly, our lips parting and clinging. “I just want you to be happy. Preferably with me. And I really want you to stop hurting yourself over what was done to you. You were raped. You were a victim and now you’re a survivor. There’s no shame in that.”
He turned and pulled me deeper into the water.
I settled beside him, my hand on his thigh. “Can we talk about something? Sexual?”
“Always.”
“You told me once that you don’t do anal play.” I felt him tense. “But you’ve … we’ve …”
“I’ve had my fingers and tongue inside you,” he finished, studying me. He’d altered with the change of subject, his hesitation replaced by calm authority. “You enjoy it.”
“Do you?” I asked, before I lost the courage.
He breathed heavily, his cheekbones burnished by the heated water, his face exposed by his slicked-back hair.
After long moments, I feared he wasn’t going to answer me. “I’d like to give you that, Gideon, if you want it.”
His eyes closed. “Angel.”
I reached a hand between his legs, cupping his heavy sac. My middle finger extended beneath him, brushing lightly over the puckered opening. He jerked violently, his legs slamming shut, sending water sloshing to the lip of the tub. His c*ck hardened like stone against my forearm.
I pulled my trapped hand free and gripped his erection in my fist, stroking, my mouth taking his when he groaned. “I’ll do anything for you. There are no limits in our bed. No memories. Just us. You and me. And love. I love you so much.”
His tongue thrust into my mouth, a greedy and slightly angry foray. His hand at my waist tightened, his other hand covering mine and urging me to tighten my grip.
Gentle waves lapped against the sides of the bathtub as I pumped his erection. His moan tightened my ni**les.
“I own your pleasure,” I whispered into his mouth. “I’ll take it if you won’t give it to me.”
He growled, his head falling back. “Make me come.”
“Any way you want,” I vowed.
“WEAR the blue tie. The one that matches your eyes.” I had a direct view into the walk-in closet, where Gideon was picking out the suit he’d wear to wrap up the week.