My hands shook in my lap. I clasped my fingers together and realized my whole body was shaking. Lost, I lifted my gaze to Gideon's face.
The feel of his fingertips brushing down my cheek soothed much of the vibrating anxiety inside me, leaving behind the terrible yearning.
"It's not that ring," he murmured gently. "Not yet. You're not ready."
Something inside me wilted. Then relief flooded me. It was too soon. Neither of us was ready. But if I'd ever wondered how deeply I had fallen in love with Gideon, now I knew.
I nodded.
"Open it," he said.
With cautious fingers, I pulled the box closer and thumbed open the lid. "Oh."
Nestled inside the black leather and velvet was a ring like no other. Gold rope-like bands were intertwined and decorated with Xs covered in diamonds.
"Bonds," I murmured, "secured by crosses." Gideon Cross.
"Not quite. I see the ropes as representative of the many threads of you, not bondage. But yes, the Xs are me holding on to you. By my fingernails, it feels like." He finished his glass of wine and refilled both our glasses.
I sat unmoving, stunned, trying to take it all in. Everything he'd done in the time we'd been apart - the photos, the ring, Dr. Petersen, the replicated bedroom, and whoever had been following me around - told me I'd never been far from his mind, if I'd even left it at all.
"You gave me my keys back," I whispered, still remembering the pain.
His hand reached out and covered mine. "There are a lot of reasons why I did that. You left me wearing nothing but a robe, Eva, and without your keys. I can't stand thinking about what could've happened if Cary hadn't been home to let you in right away."
Lifting his hand to my mouth, I kissed the back; then released him and closed the lid of the ring box. "It's beautiful, Gideon. Thank you. It means a lot to me."
"But you won't wear it." It wasn't a question.
"After the conversation we've had tonight, it feels like a collar."
After a moment, he nodded. "You're not altogether wrong."
My brain hurt and my heart ached. Four nights of restless sleeping didn't help. I couldn't understand why he felt I was so necessary, even though I felt that way about him. There were thousands of women in New York alone who could replace me in his life, but there was only one Gideon Cross.
"I feel like I'm disappointing you, Gideon. After everything we've talked about tonight...I feel like this is the beginning of the end."
Pushing his chair back, he angled toward me and touched my cheek. "It's not."
"When do we see Dr. Petersen?"
"I'll go alone on Tuesdays. After you talk to him and agree to couples counseling, we can go together on Thursdays."
"Two hours of your week, every week. Not including the travel back and forth. That's a big commitment." I reached up and brushed the hair back from his cheek. "Thank you."
Gideon caught my hand and kissed the palm. "It's no sacrifice, Eva."
He went into his office to work a bit before bed and I carried the ring box into the master bathroom with me. I studied it further while I brushed my teeth and hair.
There was a soft hum of need beneath my skin, a persistent level of arousal that shouldn't have been possible considering the number of orgasms I'd already had over the course of the day. It was an emotionally driven need to connect to Gideon, to reassure myself that we were okay.
Clutching the ring box in my hand, I went to my side of Gideon's bed and set it on the nightstand. I wanted it where I'd see it first thing in the morning, after a good night's sleep.
With a sigh, I draped my beautiful new robe over the footboard and crawled into bed. After tossing and turning for a long while, I finally crashed.
I woke sometime in the middle of the night to a racing pulse and quick, shallow breathing. Disoriented, I lay still for a moment, gathering my bearings and remembering where I was. I tensed when it sank in, my ears straining to hear if Gideon was having another nightmare. When I discovered him lying quietly beside me, his breathing deep and even, I relaxed with a sigh.
What time had he finally come to bed? After the days we'd spent apart, it worried me that he might have felt a need to be alone.