He cupped my br**sts in his hands, kneading them, circling the pads of his thumbs over my ni**les until they peaked and ached. I moaned with a mixture of fear and hunger, and he quivered at the sound.
"Eva...?"
"I - I can't." The memory of how I'd woken up was too fresh in my mind. It hurt me to deny him, knowing he needed the same thing from me as I'd needed from him when I told him about Nathan - proof that the desire was still there, that as ugly as the scars of our pasts were, they didn't affect what we were to each other now.
But I couldn't give him that. Not yet. I felt too raw and vulnerable. "Just hold me, Gideon. Please."
He nodded, wrapping his arms around me.
I urged him to sink to the floor with me, hoping I could get him to fall asleep. I curled into his side, my leg thrown over his, my arm draped over his hard stomach. He squeezed me gently, pressing his lips to my forehead, whispering over and over again how sorry he was.
"Don't leave me," I whispered. "Stay."
Gideon didn't answer, didn't make any promises, but he didn't let me go either.
I woke sometime later, hearing Gideon's heart beating steadily beneath my ear. All the lights were still on, and the carpeted floor was hard and uncomfortable.
Gideon lay on his back, his beautiful face youthful in sleep, his shirt lifted just enough to expose his navel and the ripped muscles of his abdomen.
This was the man I loved. This was the man whose body gave me such pleasure, whose thoughtfulness moved me over and over again. He was still here. And from the frown that marred the space between his brows, he was still hurting.
I slid my hand into his sweatpants. For the first time since we'd been together, he wasn't hot steel in my palms, but he quickly swelled and thickened as I tentatively stroked him from root to tip. Fear lingered just beneath my arousal, but I was more afraid of losing him than of living with the demons inside him.
He stirred, his arm tightening around my back. "Eva...?"
This time I answered him the way I couldn't before. "Let's forget," I breathed into his mouth. "Make us forget."
"Eva."
He rolled into me, peeling my shirt off with cautious movements. I was similarly tentative in undressing him. We approached each other as if each of us was breakable. The bond between us was fragile just then, both of us apprehensive about the future and the wounds we could inflict with all of our jagged edges.
His lips wrapped around my nipple, his cheeks hollowing slowly, his seduction subdued. The tender suckling felt so good I gasped and arched into his hand. He caressed my side from breast to hip and back again, over and over, gentling me as my heart raced wildly.
He kissed across my chest to the other breast, murmuring words of apology and need in a voice broken by regret and misery. His tongue lapped at the hardened point, worrying it, before surrounding it with wet heat and suction.
"Gideon." The delicate pulls expertly coaxed desire through my skittish mind. My body was already lost in him, greedily seeking the pleasure and beauty of his.
"Don't be afraid of me," he whispered. "Don't pull away."
He kissed my navel, and then moved lower, his hair caressing my stomach as he settled between my legs. He held me open with shaking hands and nuzzled my clit. His light, teasing licks through my cleft and the fluttering dips into my trembling sex took me to the edge of insanity.
My back bowed. Hoarse pleas left my lips. Tension spread through my body, tightening everything until I felt like I might snap under the pressure. And then he pushed me into orgasm with the softest nudge of the tip of his tongue.
I cried out, heated relief pulsing through my writhing body.
"I can't let you go, Eva." Gideon levered over me as I vibrated with pleasure. "I can't."
Brushing away the tear tracks from his face, I stared into his reddened eyes. His torment was painful for me to witness, hurting my heart. "I wouldn't let you if you tried."
He took himself in hand and fed his c*ck slowly, carefully into me. My head pressed hard into the floor as he sank deeper, possessing my body one thick inch at a time.
When I'd taken all of him, he began to move in measured, deliberate thrusts. I closed my eyes and focused on the connection between us. Then he settled onto me, his stomach pressed to mine, and my pulse leaped with panic. Abruptly frightened, I hesitated.
"Look at me, Eva." His voice was so hoarse it was unrecognizable.
I did, and saw his anguish.
"Make love to me," he begged in a breathless whisper. "Make love with me. Touch me, angel. Put your hands on me."