her ears. She shook her head. “Landon, there is no future for us. I’m not going to be your mistress.”
He seemed to fall apart before her eyes. He dragged his hands down the sides of his face, his mouth gaping. She saw his bleeding, tortured soul. His eyes glistened with unshed tears, and desperation contorted every inch of his face.
“I love you, Aubrey. Being with you means more than my fucking reputation or my career. I love you, and I want forever with you.”
“No, you don’t.” It felt as though her blood drained from the tips of her fingers, and her body became a heavy, hollow shell. “You don’t love me. You can’t. A part of me died that day.”
“I know I hurt you, and I have to live with that for the rest of my life.”
“No, you don’t understand. It killed me to leave you even after everything you’d said. I loved you so much, I died a little watching you hurt. Do you understand? You couldn’t have done what you did to me if you’d loved me even a little.”
“I was afraid. I was so afraid.” Landon stumbled out of his chair and knelt at her feet. “I was a coward. I ran from everything that mattered to me when my dad abandoned us. Loving you meant I could disappoint and fail you like my father failed his family. I thought I was so much like him. I was terrified of fucking up and losing you.”
What? A spark of hope lit and flickered in her soul. But how can I trust him?
“Then how?” she asked despite herself. “Why?”
“I thought if I pushed you away, then I would still be able to salvage what pathetic life I had left and protect you and your career. But it was already too late for me. I love you, Aubrey. I’m nothing without you. I can’t … Please. God knows I don’t deserve you, but please forgive me.”
The truth of his words—the truth of his love—was painted on his pleading face. Woven into his imploring words.
Aubrey had thought she’d wanted to stop hoping. She’d thought she’d wanted closure. But she was wrong. She wasn’t strong enough. She, too, was a coward in the face of what he was offering. His vulnerability. Her power. It was too much. If she opened her heart to him and he broke it again, she wouldn’t be able to survive. Not this time.
Sorry, baby girl. Mommy’s too afraid. I’m too afraid to fight anymore.
* * *
The light seemed to go out of Aubrey, and Landon’s heart fell like a rock sinking to the bottom of the riverbed. No. God, no. There was no hate. No anger. There was nothing. He would rather have her contempt and disgust. God knew he deserved that. But her empty eyes shot icy fear through him. He was too late. She was done with him.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Aubrey.” He gripped her hands in desperation. Get angry. Slap me if you’d like. Just don’t leave me.
“I can’t. I’m sorry. I can’t.” Her voice was small and far away. Like she’d already left him.
“Everything went to hell when I let you go. I can’t live without you.” He blinked rapidly to ward off the moisture gathering in the corners of his eyes. He couldn’t lose her again. “Please give us a chance.”
“I can’t. I tried, but I ended up losing you.”
Landon clawed at his chest. It hurt so much. But he wasn’t giving up. If this was what it took to win her back, then he’d suffer this and more.
“If you’ll have me, you will never lose me. You’ll never be rid of me.” He huffed with nervous laughter. “I love you, and I’m going to fight for our love. I won’t give up.”
“I’m scared, Landon. I can’t fight for us again.”
“Then don’t. I’ll do the fighting for both of us. It took me so long to find my way back to you. This is it for me. You are my life. I would crawl through hell for you. I’ll fight for us even if it means I have to carry you to do it. Trust me. I won’t drop you. Losing you means losing myself. I will never give up on us. Please, Aubrey.”
A sob wrenched from her, and she cried. Her agony and grief poured out of her and gutted him. He’d done this to her. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness or love. He deserved to burn in hell. But