parking area. Brian’s truck was alone in the lot, and he was beside it, pacing in a circle. He was decidedly not stretching his hamstrings. He looked up as my car approached, and our eyes met.
My husband was not happy to see me.
I got out of the car and marched toward him.
“What are you doing here?” He couldn’t hide his dismay.
I’d left his inhaler in the console. I suddenly didn’t care if he had an asthma attack. “What’s going on with you, Brian? Why was Freya here?”
“Freya?”
“I passed her as I was driving. Is something going on between you two?”
“Are you serious?” He snorted. “You think I’m sleeping with your pregnant best friend?”
“It would explain a lot! You’re distant and moody. You won’t talk to me. You’re always running. Or so you say. . . .”
“I was going to run, but I forgot my inhaler.”
“I brought it. That’s why I’m here. But now I’d like to know what the hell is going on with you.”
He turned away from me, dragging his hands through his cropped hair. Then he whirled around, his face dark and angry.
“You want to know what’s going on with me, Jamie? My book is a disaster, and I don’t know how to fix it. If I lose this deal, we’re fucked. Your store doesn’t make enough money to support us, so I’ll have to go back to teaching. There won’t be any openings on the island, so we’ll have to pack up and move. You’ll have to sell the store. We’ll both have to give up on our dreams. All because I’m a fucking failure.”
I saw the pain on his handsome face. It was genuine. He was telling the truth.
“I run all the time because it’s the only thing keeping me off antidepressants,” he growled. “Would you rather I self-medicate with drugs or booze?”
“Of course not. And you’re not a failure.”
“You won’t be saying that when we lose everything.”
I closed the distance between us. “I didn’t realize you were in such a dark place.” I reached for his hand. “It’s all going to be okay.”
“I don’t know that it is.”
“We’ve struggled before, and we always get through it. Together.”
He sighed. “I hope you’re right.”
“But . . . why was Freya out here?”
He pulled his hand from my grip. “How the hell would I know?” he snapped. “She’s your friend, why don’t you ask her instead of accusing me?”
Brian jumped into his truck and peeled out of the parking lot, all plans for his run abandoned.
• • •
Alone in my car, I felt chastened and ashamed. I was transferring my own adulterous behavior onto Brian. It had so consumed me that I couldn’t see that my husband was hurting, that he needed my support. All my energy had been focused on Freya and the baby, in making up for what I’d done to them in some small way. But I had betrayed Brian, too. And he needed me now.
That quick, lightening glimpse of Freya flashed through my mind. It could have been a blond tourist in a white Range Rover, but I knew it was my friend. Her presence in the middle of the island was a coincidence, nothing more. Freya was probably visiting a pottery student on one of the properties in the area. Perhaps she’d gone for a scenic drive to clear her head. Or maybe she was buying some weed? No, not in her condition. She wouldn’t. Would she? Freya was a risk-taker, a rule-breaker. But she had to know that pot was not good for her baby.
When I got home, I parked next to Brian’s vehicle and entered the house. I heard the shower running. Instead of washing away his sweat, he was washing away his anger and disappointment. I’d reheat our lunch, maybe open a bottle of wine. We could sit and talk, and I would listen, really listen. From that moment on, I would be caring and supportive, there for my husband in his time of need. I hung my sweater on the hook next to Brian’s running shell, and that’s when I saw it.
A long, pale blond hair clung to the shoulder of my husband’s black jacket.
31
brian
Jamie bought it, thank God. If she had found out that my trail run was just an excuse to meet Freya, it would have hurt her too much. And despite what I had done, I didn’t want to cause my wife any pain. That’s why I had to be so careful, so discreet. If Jamie