life we wanted to live.
Lucy
I tried to eat. I did. Rachel had even brought me my favorite pizza, fresh from the S-Gen machine.
But everything tasted like ash in my mouth. I was numb. I felt nothing because when I did feel, the only thing inside me was pain. So I buried it. Crushed it under my heel like an insect. Dead.
If I couldn’t feel what I had with Sam and Nik wrapped around me, I’d rather not feel anything.
We sat at a large, round table. Rachel and little Max were arguing about which vegetables he was going—or not going—to eat. The little boy was adorable, preferring Earth carrots over a bright yellow plant from Prillon Prime, but refusing to eat anything green.
Seemed that even in space, the green veggies came in a hard last.
Normally the thought would have made me smile, but now I felt nothing. I imagined that I was an android, a computer, someone like that character, Data, from Star Trek. Except hadn’t he wanted to be human? To feel emotion?
I was the opposite of late, perfectly content to feel nothing.
The Warlord, Braun, had been watching me with undisguised worry in his eyes. Even now he sat at the table next to Caroline and Rezzer, one twin on each of his knees. They adored him, as all the children did, and his singing voice was like an angel’s.
I hadn’t even known Atlans could sing until he’d taken a crying Emma a few days after our arrival and sung her to sleep in two minutes flat. That day had been a revelation, and Olivia had badgered Wulf until he relented and the two Warlords sang a loud, rollicking battle song that reminded me of a drunken Irish bar ditty. That day I’d made a friend. Braun was dear to me, but he wasn’t meant to be mine. And his beast did not demand he take me.
Neither one of us wanted to settle, but we had flirted with possibilities until I met my real mates.
And lost them.
A twinge of pain made me clutch at my stomach, and Rachel glanced at me from under her lashes, her hand moving to rest on top of mine where I’d kept my clenched fist hidden under the table.
I smiled my thanks as Braun listened to the twins’ chatter. To them, he was their Uncle B. He would make a wonderful mate and father.
Just not mine.
“Aren’t you hungry?” Rachel asked. “I can get you something else.”
“I’m fine. Thank you. You’ve done enough. Really.” I didn’t want pizza. I didn’t want anything. I just wanted to go back to my room and stare at the ceiling. Sleep. When I slept, I dreamed of Niklas and Sambor. In my dreams they were mine again.
Before she could offer to do anything else, I stood. Braun watched me with sad eyes, but we both knew the truth. Any chance we might have had to fall in love had been gone the moment I met my real mates.
“I’m not very hungry. I’m going to go back to my room.” I did my best to smile but knew the effort was weak and pathetic. “I’ll see everyone tomorrow.”
“Okay. Sweet dreams. Comm me if you need anything.” Rachel was too kind. She was a good friend. I knew Ryston was on patrol tonight, but where was the governor? He rarely missed spending time with his mate and son.
Turning, I heard his voice in the hallway just before the door to the room slid open.
And I saw ghosts.
Every ounce of raw agony I’d suppressed the last couple of days erupted inside me like a bomb exploding, and my knees collapsed.
Even before I hit the ground, Nik was there, holding me. Sam moved in next to him, and I sobbed, touching them, feeling their faces, their shoulders, their hair. “Are you real?”
“Yes, mate. We are real.”
The floodgates opened, and their emotions filled me through the collars. Pain. Relief. Fear for me. Desire. Devotion. Love. God, the jumble scrambled my brain until all I could do was cry and cling to them.
Governor Maxim cleared his throat. “Hey, everyone, maybe we can all clear out and give these three a little privacy?”
Feet shuffled. I heard one of the twins ask, “Who’s that?”
Braun answered. “Those two Prillon warriors are your Aunt Woocy’s mates.”
“Aunt Woocy has mates?”
I giggled through my tears at little CJ’s confusion. I was confused, too.
“Yes, she does.” Braun sounded solemn but resigned, and I hoped he found the most amazing woman in the history