I want to…” I sighed. “I wanted to say thanks, for the offer.”
He held up his hands. “The offer stands, no conditions. It’s there if you want it, Katie.”
I shook my head. “No,” I said. “But thank you.”
“If you change your mind…”
“I won’t,” I said. “Not about the yard.”
His eyes widened. “And about everything else? Are you planning on staying with us? For the rest of the six months? Is that what you want?”
I sipped my tea. “No.” I shook my head. “That isn’t what I want. Not for six months.”
His face dropped instantly, his shoulders heavy. “I see.” He paused. “I do understand.”
“You don’t,” I said, and then I waited, watching Rick pacing and smoking through the window. “I don’t know what I’ll want forever, but I know what I want right now.”
“And what’s that?”
I smiled. “Let’s wait for Rick.”
We moved to the living room, and I took the armchair. Carl took the sofa, and Rick took the pouffe between us both.
“So,” Carl said, ever the straight-talker. “Where do we go from here? What do you want from us?”
I took a second to organise my thoughts, still not entirely sure where they were heading. “Our arrangement is off,” I said. “I don’t want any more payments, I don’t want any more money.” I looked between them. “I don’t want any three weekends out of four stuff, not that we’ve ever had that yet. I don’t want sugar daddies, I don’t need sugar daddies. Not anymore. Not now the yard is off the table.”
Carl nodded, and so did Rick.
It was Carl who spoke next, predictably. “Alright,” he said. “If that’s what you want. What now? Friends?”
“I hope we’re a little past that.” I smiled. “I want to see how this goes. I love being with you guys, I love spending time with you, I love what we have.”
“I think it’s safe to say we all feel like that,” Rick said. “You won’t get any arguments from this end.”
I sighed. “I’m not saying I can be that person, the person you want. I’m not saying I’m going to change my opinion on wanting kids, or that if I ever do, that it’ll be soon.” I looked at Carl and he looked right back at me. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t promise that. I just don’t know.”
“That’s ok,” Carl said. “We understand.”
My hands twisted in my lap. “But I do want this. Whatever this is we’re doing. I really want this.” I looked at Rick. “I love the way you guys love each other, and I love the way you’ve been with me. I love the way you’re so supportive of me and Samson. I love the life we have here.” I smiled. “And I love having sex with you. I love that a lot.”
“Amen to that.” Rick smirked.
“So, what I’m asking,” I began. “What I’m asking is that you give me the six months you were planning on. Before we make any long-term decisions, I mean. I’m not sure I’ll even know then, not for sure, not what I want. But we’ll have had time to try this out, to see how it goes.”
“Sounds fair,” Carl said.
“Sounds really fair,” Rick said.
“I’m not having the yard now, so I’ll have to relocate Samson. I might not have a riding school, but I’ve still got a horse I want to event for the next few summers.” I sighed. “I’m gutted about the yard, I really am, but my dream was about more than that. It’s about Samson, it’s about how far we’ve come. I just don’t think I can sacrifice that.”
Carl held up his hands. “You don’t need to justify anything, Katie. It’s ok. We understand.” He paused. “We support you, with Samson, with whatever you want to do.”
My heart was beating so fast. “I know,” I said. “That’s part of the reason I’m not sure what I want anymore.” I looked at my hands. “It’s always seemed so simple, what I wanted. Samson, riding school, no kids, nothing to hold me back, just me and horses and a dream.”
“Things change,” Rick said. “Just give yourself a break, see where things go. No pressure, pretty lady. I mean it. We both mean it.”
“Ok.” I let out a breath. “So, we do this? No sugar daddies, just us, just seeing where this leads?”
Carl nodded. “We see where this leads.”
Rick smiled. “We do this.”
The relief flooded me, relief and happiness. “Great,” I said. “That’s really great.”
The guys looked at each other, then Rick spoke.