it. It’s the last thing he wants, that isn’t who he is.”
“But I do,” I said. “Feel sorry for him, I mean. I don’t pity him, he’s not the kind of guy you could pity.” I looked away. “He seems so strong, so grounded, so… together.”
“He is. He’s all those things. He’s the best man I know. The strongest man I know.”
The lump in my throat threatened to choke me. “How did he… how could he… who even comes back from something like that?”
“A guy like Carl does.” Rick smiled. “Don’t ask me how, but he did. Pulled his shit together, made a better life for himself. Carl’s steely and determined, serious… motivated. You’ve probably noticed,” he laughed, “He can seem… unapproachable. But that’s just the grit he uses to push himself forward, and underneath that, despite everything, all the shit he’s been through, all the times he’s been let down and fucked over, despite all that, he’s loyal, and kind, and generous. He wants the best for people, he gives his best for people, always his best.” He paused, looked right at me. “He credits your dad for a lot of that.”
My belly panged. “I’m sure my father can’t take the credit for much of that.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.” He looked at me. “I always speak as I find, and I’ve always found your dad to be a top guy. No bullshit, no games. Sees the best in people, just like Carl does.”
“That’s not how I’ve found him,” I said, and my voice was prickly. I was prickly. “Not ever. Not at all.”
Rick didn’t linger on it. “Anyway, this is just background. The real heart of the matter, this baby thing, that’s been brewing for years. Carl told me there was this park about twenty minutes’ walk from the hostel, a better park than the rundown piece of shit one by theirs. He used to take himself off there, and sit and watch. There were families, he said, nice families. Proper mums and dads with happy kids, just having a good time. He used to sit outside the fence and watch them, and pray that he’d have a family like that of his own one day. People to love.” He sighed. “Kids to love.” He picked up a bit of woodchip, turned it in his fingers. “When your dad gave him a shot he threw himself into work, to get ready for the future, to make something of himself. That’s what he says. Didn’t meet Melanie until his late twenties, but thought she was the one. She claimed she felt the same. Who wouldn’t with a guy like Carl? He’s gorgeous, successful, smart…” His voice trailed off. “But the woman was a wild thing, believe me. Couldn’t imagine her doing the school run, to be honest, couldn’t imagine her with a couple of kids, not in a million years. But he could.”
“She was the woman with him when you met?”
He nodded. “Yeah, on some seedy website. You know the drill. Turned up at theirs and hit it off. I thought they were cool. Nice couple, great in bed. Adventurous. They seemed pretty solid, until they really weren’t.”
“They split up?”
Rick’s eyes met mine, and he was wary of telling me. I could see the hesitation.
“You don’t have to tell me…” I said, but he shook his head.
“I do need to tell you.” He tossed the woodchip from hand to hand. “Carl thought they were serious. He thought they were for keeps. They talked about it, he says, about settling down, having a family. It was all he ever wanted.”
“She didn’t want it?”
“She said she did. Stopped taking the pill, made all the right noises, said all the right things. I mean, they’d been together ages. Years and years without any real commitment, any real signs of her being ready, but he waited. He finally thought she was ready, she said she was ready.”
“She didn’t get pregnant?”
He sighed. “Apparently not. She kept telling him to give it time, said it would happen.”
“But it didn’t?”
He flicked the woodchip away. “She was lying.”
“Still on the pill?”
“No,” he said. “That would have been easier.” He closed his eyes. “Two abortions.”
Fucking hell. “Two?”
“At least two. A slip up from a friend who’d had too much to drink, mentioned it in passing, like he knew.”
“Oh my God.”
“He was fucking devastated. His whole life he’d wanted a family, months, years probably of trying. Imagine that, all that waiting, all that trying, just to find out the woman you