change your mind.”
“Won’t happen. Get. Out. Of. Here.”
Footsteps pound over the ground, fading to silence. Bowen exhales and swears under his breath. A light flickers. The tent flap opens, and I squeeze my eyes shut against the glare of a flashlight.
Bowen squats beside my head and shines the light on my chin. I squint up at him. His eyes move over my face, searching for something. “Is it possible Len knows?” he whispers.
I frown. “Knows what?” “That you’re …” His eyes travel over my sleeping bag and grow wide, as if he can see my female body through the bulky material.
“That I’m a gir—”
Bowen claps a hand over my mouth, gently, though, so his callused palm doesn’t hurt my split lip. He puts a finger to his lips and removes his hand.
“You dragged me around the camp half-naked last night,” I whisper.
Bowen shakes his head, brow furrowed. “No. He knew before that. He had to have known the first night you came into the camp.”
“Why does it matter? What’s the big deal about my gender?”
Bowen smirks. “Where have you been the past few years? Seriously?”
I open my mouth, but no answer comes out. I sigh and finally say, “I don’t remember.”
Bowen rubs his eyes and leans as far from me as the tent allows, setting the flashlight in his lap. “You really don’t remember? It’s not some sort of act?”
“I remember turning thirteen. But I don’t remember any birthdays after that,” I say. “What’s wrong with being a girl?”
He sighs and his breath stirs the air. “Well, for one thing, there are seven living men for every one living woman. Being a woman outside the wall is the worst thing you can be. Women are hunted even more than beasts.”
“Why?”
“Because they bring the highest … the gangs pay … some men are …” Bowen presses on his eyes with the balls of his hands. “So now …” His hands drop to his sides and he looks at me. “On top of me protecting the entire camp from you, it looks like I’ll be protecting you from them.”
Footsteps stir outside the tent and fabric rustles. Bowen sits tall.
“Bowen? You in there, man?” a voice rumbles.
Bowen’s eyes meet mine and he presses a finger to his lips. “Yeah, Tommy. Just keeping you guys safe from the Fec. You boys have a nice break?”
“Sure did. Thanks, man.”
Bowen turns off the flashlight, and the tent goes dark. There is warm pressure on my lips, and my heart flutters before I realize what he’s doing. I obediently open my mouth, and a wafer is placed on my tongue. It tastes like hamburgers and French fries, and as it settles in my stomach, it brings a food-heavy tiredness to my entire body that makes me think of Thanksgiving Day.
As I drift off to sleep, I believe being cuffed is worth tasting food again, even if it is in wafer form.
Chapter 13
Sunlight blazes against the tent’s canvas walls, making it impossible to stay asleep. Not that I was sleeping well, with my legs and arms immobile. I open my eyes and try to stretch, but pause. Bowen is still in my tent, sitting with his back against the canvas, head slumped sideways on his knees, eyes closed, remote clutched in his hand. Air whistles between his soft lips every time he exhales. There’s a faded scar on his left cheek, and a fresh scar on the side of his chin, a white slash where dark stubble doesn’t grow. Looking at him, I get a funny feeling in my stomach—an ache, like I’m hungry, but not quite.
His dark lashes flutter against his cheeks, and I look away fast, studying the top of the tent like it holds the answers to my missing past. I count to twenty and he hasn’t made a sound, so I look back and stare right into his narrowed eyes.
“You’ve got to keep your hair in your face,” he whispers. “No one’s going to believe you’re a boy if they get a look at your eyes. Who am I kidding? They won’t believe you’re a boy if they actually look hard enough, even if your eyes are covered.” His words make my cheeks burn, and he clears his throat. “I’m serious. Put your hair back in your face.”
I glare at him. “I can’t reach my hair,” I snap, wiggling my bound fingers.
Bowen’s eyebrows shoot up. “A bit snarky this morning, Fotard?”
I sigh, feeling a bone-deep, weary ache in my whole body. “Can you blame