“It’s not easy, having a girl who’s a dancer. It’s not going to be easy when I’m halfway around the world. Because what you want to know is that your girl is the same as when you left her. Waiting.”
I stopped walking. “Are you asking me if I’ll wait for you? You know I will.”
“I’m asking you to marry me before I go.”
This time it was real. It wasn’t a dream for a hazy future. I wasn’t a schoolgirl, and the future was as real as the steel and stone surrounding us. I was conscious of how big the moment was, how easy it would be to say the wrong thing. Because squealing “Yes!” and jumping into his arms wasn’t something I could do. Everything between us had taken that option away.
“Or else I’ll just go,” he said. “Because it’s going to be worse for me, not knowing.”
“Is this a proposal or a threat?” I asked, trying to keep my voice light. This wasn’t the way I imagined Billy’s proposal would go.
“No, no, not a threat. It’s just that if I’m not sure of you, it will drive me crazy. I’ll be waiting for letters, I’ll be reading between every line….” He shook his head. “Maybe other guys can go off to war like that. I can’t. I want my future to start before I leave.”
The funny thing was, Nate had been right. Billy did need a dream.
He took my hands. “I know I’m not saying this right. I should have a big fat diamond ring to put on your finger. But we can do it right. We can go down to Maryland— you don’t need to wait for the license, and you can get married at seventeen. We can have a honeymoon.”
“Billy, I don’t know…”
“Do you love me?”
“Of course I do.” The cold wind roared off the river, making my eyes tear.
“You said yes once before.”
“I did not.”
“Well.” His eyes twinkled. “You wanted to. I just didn’t let you.”
“That is not how I remember that conversation,” I said, smiling. I fell against him, my cheek against his chest.
“You’re shivering,” he said. “It’s so cold. Come on.”
We kept on walking, quickly now, his arm around me. We approached the building and stopped in front of my door. “Come in,” I said. “We can talk inside.”
He leaned back and looked up at the sky as if looking for something to help him. “There is nothing I want to do more than come inside.”
“Then come inside.” I slipped my arms around him.
He shook his head. “I think it’s a really bad idea.” Gently, he reached behind and took my hands. “Look. We have time. Not a lot, but enough. I’m going to go back to Brooklyn, and you’re going to go to bed. And tomorrow, we’ll talk. We’ll talk it all out. We can go over all the reasons getting married is a bad idea, if you want. We’ll walk and we’ll talk and we’ll figure it out together. But if I come inside tonight… we won’t talk, I guarantee you.”
“Are you sure? It’s an awfully long way to Brooklyn.” Now that he said he was going, I didn’t want him to. I didn’t want to say good-bye one more time than I had to.
“I’m sure.” He brushed his lips against my cheek. “Sure enough for both of us. Look, it’s four in the morning. Get some sleep. I’ll call you around eleven.”
Reluctantly, I left him and went inside. I closed the door and leaned against it. My mind whirled, and I could still feel the touch of his hands.
Married at seventeen? I had never wanted that. I’d seen too many girls go off in their white gowns and bouquets, some of them glowing, some of them miserable and pregnant. I’d seen them at twenty-two with two or three kids hanging on their skirts. I’d seen them disillusioned at thirty, not in love, not even satisfied, just trapped.
No, I had never wanted that.
But there was another way, wasn’t there? To marry your true love, and start your life? How easy it would make it to turn down dates if I had a gold ring on my finger. I could concentrate on dancing, on acting, and know I had Billy in a safe, protected place in my heart.
I walked slowly into the apartment, turning on the lights one by one, until the whole place blazed. This place could be mine, then. Really mine. I would