“Would you kids like to get a late supper? I could take you to Reuben’s. We can sit, have something to eat, talk.”
“No, thanks,” Billy told him.
“Coffee, then.” Nate shot me a look that said, Help me out here.
“Billy, why don’t you go,” I said. “I’m completely dead. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Maybe tomorrow,” Billy said to his father. It was like, now that he was wearing a uniform, he was able to say no, and Nate had to take it. “I was just going to walk Kit home, then head to Brooklyn to stay with my buddy.”
“Let me give you cab fare —”
“No, Pop!” Billy’s voice was sharp.
As he took my arm to lead me out, I saw Nate’s face, clenched and furious. I just didn’t know who he was mad at more.
Eighteen
New York City
November 1950
We walked out the front entrance. Billy held my hand, but his mind wasn’t on me. He was walking fast, and I had to double-time to keep up. We slipped through the stragglers at the entrance. Billy waved away a cab. His hand tightened on mine as we darted across Third Avenue. It wasn’t until we were on a quiet crosstown street that he spoke.
“What the hell is he doing here? I figured he was in Providence.”
“I’ve seen him a few times,” I admitted. “I think he likes to check up on me, make sure I’m okay.”
“I guess he thinks you’re still my girl,” Billy said. “I never told him we broke up.”
I held up our entwined hands. “See how that worked out?”
I was relieved that he smiled, but it faded right away. “I wasn’t ready to see him,” he said.
I squeezed his hand. “So, what did you think of the show?”
“I thought it was swell. And I couldn’t take my eyes off you. I was trying to figure if it was because you’re my girl or not. And I decided that it’s not. There’s always a girl everybody notices. You’re that girl.”
“That’s sweet,” I said. “But I’m sure you think that because I’m your girl.”
“No, I mean it,” Billy said earnestly. “I can really see it now, Kit. You’re in this big New York production, with the right costumes and the right dances, and you can really shine. You belong here. I’m really proud of you.” He stopped and put his hands on my shoulders so I could look into his face. “Really proud.”
He was being genuine, I could see it. His approval meant more than anybody’s. More than anything. I wanted to tell him about the callback right then, see the excitement in his eyes. But what if he slipped and told his father? Nate might tell the owner of the club.
Another secret to keep. Would I ever be able to get to the place where everything was open between us?
He tipped my chin up with his finger. “What is it? You looked so happy, and then so sad.”
“There’s so many things to say,” I said. “And there isn’t any time to say them. I’m afraid of what’s going to happen.”
He leaned over and kissed me. “I promise you. I’ll be back. The thing is — I started giving a damn again.”
I leaned into the kiss, and the world dropped away. We only stopped because someone harrumphed behind us, a man walking a dog.
“Carry on, soldier,” he said as he passed us.
We slowed our steps, letting the man and his spaniel get ahead of us. Someone was buying a newspaper and an orange at the place that stayed open all night. What people don’t know about New York is that someone is always awake. I hadn’t realized how comforting that was. You give up your home when you move to Manhattan, but you get something else — a feeling that you’re right smack in the world.
“I can see you here, making your way in Manhattan,” Billy said. “I just wish I could be here with you.”
“You will be.”
“Onstage, you look so beautiful, so… mature. Like a doll, like a beautiful living doll.”
“I’m not a doll. I’m just me. I’m just a dancer.”
“No, I mean, guys will be after you. You could fall in love with someone else. No, don’t look at me that way, I’m not being jealous. It’s just a fact. Men chase after girls like you, Kit, and now that you’re dancing in this big nightclub, you think it won’t happen?”
“It doesn’t matter if they chase if I don’t get caught. Anyway, I don’t want to do this