I could only guess that it hadn’t been friendliness that day that had led him to bring me inside. It had been something else. Some impulse to share a knowledge of a grown-up world that was wrong and painful. So he wouldn’t be alone.
I switched on the light, but the place was bare. Billy’s darkroom had been cleared out years ago. Later he had developed his photographs at college. But today, on the day of his burial, the bare planks of the tables felt wrong. It was as though he’d been erased. When I thought of that boy, down here alone with his trays and his solutions, tears burned my eyes. I wiped them away fiercely. I couldn’t do this if I thought about Billy. I had to save who was left. I turned off the light again in case it would shine through the cracks of the coal cellar door.
I walked slowly through the basement. The darkness was almost total, and I kept my arms outstretched. I could just make out a wooden stairway in the gloom.
I walked slowly up the stairs, testing each one before putting my weight on it. I couldn’t hear a sound from the house, and when I paused at the top and cracked the door, I could only see more darkness.
I made my way to the office. I had no way of knowing if I could find anything that would bring Nate down. I didn’t even know if I’d know it if I saw it. He was a lawyer. He knew how to cover his tracks.
But it was my only chance.
I couldn’t switch on the lights and I had no flashlight, but I could just make out the desk and filing cabinet. I opened the drawer and began to flip through the files. I took some out to read them by the window, where a small shaft of light entered from the streetlight. Financial transactions, arrest records, several wills… I had no idea what to look for.
Frustrated, I wanted to wad up the papers and throw them around the room. Trash Nate’s office, destroy everything.
Instead, I carefully returned the papers and put the files back. I opened the next drawer and flipped through.
I hadn’t heard a thing, not even the front door, so I was taken completely by surprise when Nate opened the door and switched on the light.
We stared at each other for a moment. Never have I seen grief mark a man like it marked Nate. He looked like a ruin, like his clothes should be smoking. He didn’t say a word but crossed to the phone and dialed a number.
“I found her. I’m at the office.” He paused. “Do that.” He hung up the phone but kept his hand on it, his back to me. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but you can’t change anything. And if you think I keep anything here that could incriminate me, you really are a dumb kid.”
“Da had nothing to do with Billy’s death,” I said. “Neither did I. But did you ever think that you did?”
He whipped his head around. “What are you saying?”
“That morning Billy said he just wanted truth. That he was going to stop everything. I think he meant he was going to stop you, somehow. Didn’t you ever think of why he was on that train?”
“He was lost, he got on the wrong train….”
“Billy didn’t get lost! Don’t you know where that train was going? It was going to Babylon. He was going to see Delia. Why?”
I’d succeeded in rocking him. “I don’t know.” He crossed to the window and pulled back the curtain.
From behind him, I could see a man across the street standing underneath a streetlamp. The same man who’d been on the trolley.
“It’s time for us to go,” he said. “What does any of it matter now?”
“I’m not going out there,” I said. “You’ll have to drag me out.”
“I can do that.”
“Why do you hate us so much?” I whispered. We heard a noise and turned to see Delia and Da in the doorway.
“He doesn’t hate you. He hates me,” Delia said.
“Dee,” Nate said. “What are you doing here?” His face flushed red, but whether from anger or emotion, I didn’t know.
“I called Mac last night,” Delia said. “He told me what you said. Is it true, Nate? You want to kill one of my family? A child?”
“They aren’t children,” Nate said. “Do you understand? My heart was cut