thing to know and to remember: This was joy, and he had known it.
Jamie and I stayed there together until the light faded, our books open, not reading a word, waiting until dark, when we knew Billy would be buried, and all the mourners would be gone. What could we wish for him but that? To sleep without dreaming. To rest in peace.
The house was quiet when I rose from the bed I shared with Muddie and slipped out. I tiptoed down the stairs, holding my shoes. The house seemed full of breath — the quick pants of the Leary children, dreaming in their beds, the uneasy sleep of Da, the mound of Jamie under a blanket on the couch.
I quickly pulled on my coat and Muddie’s black beret. I slipped out of the sunporch door. I hurried to the backyard, where I climbed a short fence. No shades flickered, no shadow moved as I took off to the crown of the hill.
I crossed over into the streets that ran through Brown University. I had forgotten my gloves, and I tucked my hands in my armpits to keep them warm. It was close to midnight. The Brown campus was deserted, most of the students gone for Thanksgiving weekend. I walked faster, knowing I was outside Fox Point territory now.
I don’t know where my courage was. I didn’t feel brave at all. I just felt scared. But doing nothing was worse. Da didn’t believe Nate would put a contract out on one of us and I did. So it was up to me to stop it.
I took the trolley downtown. A few people were waiting at the stop, a woman and a man I’d thought were together. But she got off, and the man stayed on. He wore a hat that shaded his face and he was thin and not too tall, a man nobody would notice unless you were alone and afraid.
When I got off, he got off, too. With every nerve screaming, I wanted to walk fast, but I didn’t. I strolled down Westminster Street, past the Chinese restaurant, turned again, and headed for Washington. He was still behind me. There were people on the street, but not many, not enough.
When I came to the Riverbank Club I ducked inside and nodded and smiled at the hostess who’d replaced me. Sammy was over at the bar, and he hurried to greet me.
“Kit! Gee, you look swell. What brings you here? Tony will be glad to see you; the new girl can’t find a punch line with both hands.”
“Sammy, I’ll come back and see you, I promise, but right now, can I use your alley? I’m trying to ditch some joker who followed me.”
“You betcha, kiddo, don’t give it a thought. I’ll make sure he doesn’t go after you.” He gave me a pat on the shoulder and turned, shielding me from the door.
I walked out through the kitchen into the alley, surprising a busboy emptying trash. I hurried down the alley and turned onto Snow Street. Then I headed up Federal Hill.
I crossed the street when I got close to the Benedict house and walked on the opposite side, turning my collar up. The lights were still blazing, and cars were parked outside. Relatives and friends sitting with Nate and Angela. They would come for weeks with casseroles and fruit, they would sit in the kitchen and make coffee and soup. Life would go on, no matter if Nate or Angela wanted it to.
I slipped through the dark streets toward Atwells Avenue, grateful for the clouds that covered the moon. There was no one around, as if every family on Federal Hill was paying their respects to Nate by staying home.
Nate’s office was dark. I hurried down the side walkway to the back.
It had been five years, but I remembered every detail of that day. I counted the bricks and lifted one and there it was, the key, dull and crusted with dirt. I fitted it in the padlock and I heard the click.
Billy had wanted me to follow him that day. He’d known about Delia. Had he wanted me to know, too? I liked you because you liked my pictures. Before that… you were my enemy.
His enemy because of Delia. That photograph I saw that day — of a woman pulling off her sweater — he’d wanted me to see it. He’d wanted me to know about Delia. But something had stopped him. Maybe because I liked the