Stray Fears - Gregory Ashe Page 0,16

mouth twisting as he said, You cowardly little fucker.

“Who knows? Just didn’t make a good impression, I guess.”

Mason finished his beer, slapped a ten on the table, and stood. As he passed me, he put a hand on my shoulder.

“Buddy, we’ve got to get you laid. Fast. Fuck, maybe I need to get laid too. These dreams I’ve been having, dreams about burning blue eyes and shit. Is that fucked up? Jesus.” He laughed, but it sounded off. “Just don’t answer that.”

ELIEN (9)

Zahra had her hands neatly folded in her lap. It was Tuesday again; I was back in the basement of DuPage First Methodist. The preschool kids must have been trying to level up their Halloween game. On the wall, they had hung masks made out of construction paper. Black cats, robots, soldiers, astronauts. One mask, off to the side, low on the wall where most people might have missed it, was just a black circle with two pale blue eyes. I dragged my gaze back to Zahra, feeling choked by the smell of rubber cement.

“As I’m sure many of you already know,” Zahra said, “we lost one of our friends this week.”

“He wasn’t my friend,” Tamika said.

“Cowardly son of a bitch,” Willie said.

Zahra waited a moment. Willie had the good grace to blush, sinking lower in his seat, but Tamika just stared off into space, thrusting her chin out.

“Ray died by suicide—” Zahra began.

David’s shrill laughter cut her off. He bent forward in his seat, wringing his hands. He was still wearing those heavy winter gloves, even though it was the hottest October on record. The laughter dragged on.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Tamika shouted.

“Tamika,” Zahra said, “we’re here to support each other, and David—”

“He’s laughing like a fucking lunatic and Ray’s dead. How the fuck is that supporting each other?”

“Ok,” I said, “it’s just a reaction. He can’t help it.”

But David was still laughing, and the hairs on the back of my neck were standing up.

“E, shut up,” Kenny said. “Keep your skinny gay ass quiet.”

“You like my gay ass,” I told Kenny with a smile. I stood, touched David’s arm, and nodded toward the hall. David was laughing so hard he was crying now. He got out of the seat, and I nudged him away from the group.

“Here he goes,” Mason said to no one in particular. “Elien, just sit down and let Zahra handle things.”

“No,” Zahra said, “I appreciate how you’re showing support to David, Elien. Thank you.”

Mason slouched lower in his chair. He was staring at me, and he was obviously furious.

We made our way to the bathroom, and David waved me off when he stepped inside. It was a single-user facility, and I heard the bolt slide home after he shut the door. Water ran. I heard splashing. David was still laughing like he was on acid and had heard the best fucking joke in the world. I shivered in spite of myself.

David had been in the restroom for maybe five minutes, the laughter dying down and bubbling back up from time to time, when Mason stepped into the hall. He shut the door behind him, looked at me once, and then stepped past me and rattled the handle on the bathroom door.

“I need to pee.”

“Get in line.”

“Jesus, get off your fucking high horse.” Mason hammered on the door. “David, get the fuck out. I need to pee.”

“Hey,” I said, planting a hand on Mason’s chest. “Leave him alone.”

“Fuck off,” Mason said.

“Go back in to the group,” I said. “When David’s feeling better, we’ll join you. Then you can pee.”

Mason’s lip curled. He knocked my arm away and rattled the handle again.

“Get out of here,” I said, sliding between Mason and the door.

Grabbing me by the throat, Mason swung me around and slammed me against the wall. Like the rest of the basement, it was poured concrete with a thin layer of paint; my head rebounded and, I felt my legs go loose.

Mason took shallow, frantic breaths. We were close enough that I could feel his exhalations on my cheek, see the flare of his nostrils, sense the tremors in his body.

“This is it, huh?” I asked. “You get tired of having to be around a queer?”

For another long moment, Mason clutched me. He was shaking harder now.

“Why’s it such a big deal, Mase?” I smirked. “You’ve been looking at me a lot. Maybe you’re getting a little interested—is that it? Maybe you’ve been thinking dirty thoughts.” I nudged his knee