Stray Fears - Gregory Ashe Page 0,15
Elien fucking Martel, I’m just going to put a fucking bullet in my head.”
I sat back in my chair until Amanda got back with the Sugarfield and a draft beer for Mason. Then I rolled the tumbler on the edge of its base, the ice clinking. I took a drink. Then I rolled the glass a little more.
“I’m sorry,” Mason said. He was rubbing his thumb on his glass. “I haven’t been sleeping, and when I do, I have these fucked-up dreams.”
“Are you apologizing for this, right now? Or for earlier, with the civilian?”
“Can you just call him Elien? You’re obviously in love with him already, just like everybody is.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“Both, I guess,” he said with a sigh.
“What’s your deal with him? You said he was an asshole.”
Mason took a long drink, watching me over the glass.
“Ok, he’s kind of got a smart mouth,” I said. “But he actually seemed kind of sweet.”
“Oh my God.”
“Don’t do this.”
“Oh my God. I was just joking, but you really do like him.”
“I responded to a callout, Mason. I didn’t show up for a fucking Grindr hookup.”
“You think he’s cute.”
“So what’s his deal?
“He’s an asshole.”
“You keep saying that. What does that even mean?”
For a moment, Mason looked at a loss. Then he took another drink. When he set down the glass, he said, “I don’t know. I don’t know why I keep saying that. I guess I don’t like him. People in the support group practically fall over for him. He’s kind of funny, you know, making fun of himself. And he’s good looking, fine. He does help people. I know that’s not the first time he’s checked in with Ray, and he’s done that for other people. He even texted me a few times when I first started going. I kind of . . . I kind of didn’t respond, and he stopped after a while.”
“He said he thinks you don’t like him because he’s gay.”
“I like you.”
I sipped the Sugarfield. “That’s what I told him.”
Mason released his drink, spread his hands on the table, and drummed his fingers. Then he stopped, and the look he shot me was intense and direct. “Don’t you think he looks like him?”
“What?”
“Elien. Don’t you think he looks like Noah?”
“Noah’s white.”
“Ok.”
“I don’t know, maybe a little.”
“Not just a little. Elien’s close to Noah’s age. He’s got the same hair—”
“Elien has way more hair than Noah.” I mimed over my head. “It’s probably takes him an hour to blow it out.”
“But it’s all windswept and brushed back just like Noah’s. And he’s got green eyes like Noah.”
“Elien has hazel eyes.” My face heated, and I took a drink. “I mean, that’s what it looked like to me.”
“You’re pathetic,” Mason said.
“So, you’re telling me you hate Elien, even though he’s sweet and funny and supportive of all the people in group, because he has a vague resemblance to the kid who shot you? I mean, like probably fifty million other guys, he’s young and has green eyes and blow dries his hair. That’s why?”
“I thought his eyes were hazel.”
“God, you are really determined to piss me off tonight.”
“I know it doesn’t make sense. I just don’t like being around him. I look at him, and I start thinking about Noah, and, I don’t know, I want to punch him in the face.”
I rattled the ice in the tumbler again. “Mason, if you don’t like him, that’s fine. If you hate his guts, I don’t care. If you want to punch him in the middle of your support group, go right ahead, as long as I don’t have to bail your ass out. But you cannot lose your mind like you did today. Because at some point, we’re going to have to deal with another kid who resembles Noah, and I can’t have you going off the rails.”
“I’m getting better.”
When I couldn’t think of anything to say, I sipped the Sugarfield again.
“I am,” Mason said, quiet and firm as he met my eyes.
“So show me.”
“Easy. Ask pretty boy out, and we’ll double.”
“Ha ha.”
“I’m serious. He’s cute. You’re into him. Ask him out.”
“He’s got a boyfriend, dumbass. He picked Elien up.”
“Yeah, I know he’s got a boyfriend. He’s also in an open relationship.”
“What?”
“An open relationship. He can date whoever he wants.”
I shook my head.
“So ask him out,” Mason said.
“I still don’t think that’s a good idea. I managed to piss him off pretty good.”
“You did? What happened?”
I thought of the blue light like a firefly. I thought of Elien’s