back.”
Shit. He shoved his hands into his pockets to keep them still when all he wanted to do was reach out and pull her into his arms. Protect her from everything, even her own mind.
“They’re sneaky bastards, those attacks.”
“I want them over,” she said through clenched teeth. “I thought I was getting stronger. Then today I’m flopping all over the ground like I’m some sort of mental invalid.”
“You are getting stronger.” He’d said that to her more than once and would continue reaffirming it as often as he needed to. Eventually, it would sink in.
“Then why did I have an attack? Why won’t they go away?” She hit the bag with the end of her hand, a gesture that had less to do with fighting and more with frustration. “Nothing I do is enough. It’ll never be enough. I’ll never be strong enough.”
He swallowed the bitter rage inside him that someone as sweet and gentle as Marilyn would have to fight off so much ugliness and pain. He wanted, not for the first time, to get his hands on Jared Ellis.
But hell if he was going to stand here and let her think she was weak. Not when he knew the truth. He wanted to hold her but if he couldn’t do that, he could at least prove to her how far she’d come.
“Let’s spar. For real.” He slid his arms out of his jacket and threw it over a stall door. His jeans and Henley weren’t optimal for this sort of movement, but it would be fine. He grabbed his own pair of thin, half-fingered sparring gloves.
She looked at him from around the bag. “What?”
“You think you’re weak? Haven’t made any progress? Let’s see. I’ll be hitting and you will, too. There’s only so much satisfaction you can get out of punching a bag.”
He held his arms up, still relaxed but falling into a sparring stance. “Come on. Take it out on me.”
“I could never take it out on you.”
He held her gaze. “How about you stop saying never. The only thing limiting you, is you.”
Her eyes narrowed. “You’re just trying to make me mad.”
“No, gorgeous, I’m just trying to make you see the truth.” He lowered his head, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Don’t hold back. Don’t be afraid to hurt me.”
They’d sparred before, but as exercises in muscle memory more than anything else. Not like this.
She threw a one-two self-defense combination punch. It was nowhere near what he knew she was capable of. “You can do better than that.”
“Noah…”
“Do it. Throw a real punch.” When she still hesitated, he reached out and slapped one of her raised gloved fists. “Quit making excuses and do it.”
Her brows knitted together. She put real force behind the next punch and the one after that. He easily blocked her but noted the power she was using. Good. “Better. But not nearly your best.”
They fell into a slow, wary dance. His arm shot out. She blocked the blow, then delivered a return shot to his abdomen. “Nice.”
“You know…” She struck. He blocked. “If I’m going to fight, then you need to fight, too. Don’t baby me.”
“Baby you?” He threw two quick jabs to her head that she blocked with a high guard, lifting her elbow to protect her face. “Gorgeous, I haven’t babied you in weeks. Months, even.”
She dropped her arms to look at him. “Really?”
“Come on. Get those arms back up. We aren’t finished yet.” He feinted a jab to make her comply. “You don’t see it because you’re on the inside looking out, but I have the luxury of studying your progression from the outside. I see how much stronger you’ve become. I stopped holding back a while ago, and I’ve gotten tougher on you with every session.”
He threw a haymaker, hard enough to daze her if it connected, but watched as she rounded her arm around her head in a helmet guard.
It said a shit ton about her training that he wasn’t able to get that punch in, but as promised, he didn’t take it easy on her. He took advantage of her being off-balance and raised a leg to kick hers out from under her.
Instead, she grasped his ankle before he could make contact and shoved him backward. He stumbled and almost fell.
He grinned. “See? I wasn’t holding back. You almost knocked me on my ass.”
She shook her head, looking as dazed as if she’d taken a punch. “Wow. I just… reacted. I didn’t