adventure in the afterlife, showing me all the dark corners he’s lit up there. I’ll experience every single one with him.
Until then, I have to be like Julian.
Love hard.
Learn every day like it’s my last.
Stay strong.
Jasper
September 30
It’s bittersweet as I blow out my eighteen candles. Julian’s not here to blow them out with me. I have to do it alone for the first time in my entire life.
But I’m not alone.
Sitting at my table are Kit, my parents, and my twin brother and sister who were born five days ago. I took my last pill this morning. Anxiety crept up as I swallowed it down. I’d made it an entire month without wanting to take them all at once. The sadness was still there, but the detachment from this world was missing.
Now, I crave each day.
I need to kiss Kit or hold the babies or talk to my parents.
All the ties tethering me here that I’d worked so hard to clip are now back in place, thick and tied tight.
Dr. York has been helpful in reminding me of my reasons to stay. After the night I’d admitted to Kit I’d wanted to take my life, we had a long talk with my parents the next day. Leesa came along too, offering her guidance and support. Though a lot of tears were shed, we came together as a team on how to help me.
Therapy with Dr. York.
Additional meds.
Talking out my feelings.
The small changes in my life have had a big impact. I have Kit to thank for that. The boy with his bouncy, curly hair, his pink, pink strawberry lips I love to kiss, and his green apple Jolly Rancher eyes. He strolled into my life, dug his hooks into me, and never let go.
I owe him my life.
I owe him everything.
My small birthday party is one filled with love and laughter. Once my parents get the twins down and retreat for the night, I bring Kit to my room. He sits on Julian’s bed and watches me as I undress.
“Getting in your birthday suit?” he asks, his lips quirking up on one side.
“My boyfriend promised to make love to me,” I tease back.
Boyfriends.
Better than a thing.
Boyfriends are everything.
I completely strip down and then stroke my dick. His green eyes are burning with intensity as he watches. I’ve wanted to have sex with him for weeks now, but he’s insisted I’m not ready for him yet. When I was with Henry, I bottomed and I liked it. It’s been a while, though, and Kit has just spent our time together prepping me for this moment.
I’m more than prepped.
I’m aching and eager for him.
“Sit down on the bed,” he murmurs, his voice husky. “I want to suck you off first.”
A grin tugs at my lips. I’m more than eager to obey his command. Kit might be shorter than me, but he’s the more confident of the two of us. He thrives on taking control of any situation. With us, he leads us where we want to go, but he’s gentle about it.
It’s one of the things I love about him.
“What?” Kit asks as he approaches, peeling off his T-shirt.
I groan when I skim my gaze down his chest, marveling at how lickable he always is. “You’re so hot.”
“That’s your ‘Kit is a stud’ look,” he says with a laugh. “But the one before wasn’t.”
“That was my ‘I’m in love with this guy’ look.”
Kit kneels before me, looking up with an expression that threatens to make my heart explode. “Hmm, does it look like this one?”
He loves me too.
“Absolutely,” I breathe.
Our mouths meet for a quick kiss and then he’s pulling away to kiss me elsewhere. My chest. My stomach. My thighs. My dick.
His lips wrap around my thickness and he eagerly swallows me down his tight, hot throat. I’m insanely desperate for everything he’ll give to me. I caress his scalp and toy with his curls as he gives me a blowjob that sets my soul on fire. It doesn’t take much attention from his tongue before I’m coming with a grunt. He swallows me down and then pops off, rewarding me with a sinful smile.
“Get on the bed,” he rumbles, frantically yanking at the button on his cargo pants.
I scoot back, eagerly watching him undress. Once he has his insulin pump unclipped and in his hand after fully undressing, he climbs into bed with me, sitting on his knees between my parted thighs.
“Supplies,” he murmurs, nodding to the end table. “Hurry,