a little more daring. We arrived earlier, took shorter coffee breaks, and spent more time exploring. One minute we might be sipping coffee in the kitchen, and the next, we had our tongues down each other’s throats.
It was never enough. Feverish hand jobs and bathroom BJs became a daily thing. I’d follow him into the one-person restroom in the lobby, drop to my knees to worship his cock while I jerked off. Or vice versa. We’d clean up afterward, make sure the coast was clear, and go our separate ways. No discussions. No expectations.
At least, that was the idea. The truth was, I was always aware of him. Always. I swore the hair on the back of my neck stood up when Dec walked into a room. I used to think that was because I hated him. Now I was afraid the opposite was true. I wanted him. No, I fucking yearned for him.
So, if I were completely honest with myself, I’d admit that the one thing I’d been desperately trying to avoid had happened.
Declan McNamara was under my skin. And I didn’t hate it.
9
Declan
Having low expectations occasionally paid off. I didn’t think Tegan and I would slide into a seamless friendship-with-benefits arrangement or that Justin would quit being a prick. After all, nothing came easy, and tigers didn’t change their stripes overnight. But for reasons beyond my comprehension, I won the friend-sex-no-BS lottery for the whole month of December. It was fucking amazing.
Tegan and I navigated our way out of an arms-length truce and became friends again. The kind who chatted freely and joked around with each other without second-guessing whether we’d crossed any lines. Oh yeah, and we had a lot of sex.
Don’t get excited. We didn’t fall in love or anything goopy like that. It was just sex. The kind involving secret looks and coded text messages. We had a built-in reason to hang out together, but since we agreed to wait on the phony BF stuff until the tour started, we had to be cautious. And when we almost got caught in the bathroom, we changed things up. No more sneaking in dark corners to grind against each other. We met at T’s place instead.
Not my first choice of venue, but it was close to the studio and he insisted. I think it was a control thing. Maybe he thought I’d get the wrong idea if I hosted. I wanted to assure him I’d kick his ass out before dawn and never offer coffee or bagels. But talking about what we were doing might make this seem like something it wasn’t.
So what was it, again? Sex.
Pure and simple, sex. Fuck, screw, bang. There was nothing flowery, sweet, or seductive about what we did. It was all about getting off.
But it was passionate as fuck. There was a hint of desperation in the way we came together. Hungry kisses and fervent groping sessions were standard foreplay. Our tendency to bite and claw at skin in the heat of the moment made me glad it was sweater weather. I had a few gnarly scratch marks down my back, and I accidentally gave Tegan a hickey one day.
Our bandmates had a field day with that one. They assumed he still had a sex-only arrangement with his ex-boyfriend and not gonna lie, it was highly entertaining to hear the guys razz him.
“Dude, I didn’t think old people did that shit,” Johnny teased. “Isn’t Sean more of a ‘Get on your knees, boy’ kind of lover?”
Bobby J shook his head in mock censure. “I have one word for you, man… ‘turtleneck.’ Or is that two words?”
Ky and Gill…and even the temp studio drummer, Frank, chimed in with a few helpful hints. I had to add something, or I’d look suspicious.
I inspected the bruised skin under T’s ear nonchalantly, barely curbing my impulse to lick it better. I felt like a vampire being teased with a willing partner at sunrise.
“Try a mock turtleneck,” I suggested. “You could all wear them and go for an early Beatles vibe.”
Tegan flipped me off, and the guys laughed. Then Charlie came in to see what the ruckus was about and ended up telling a story about a kid in high school who wore scarves on eighty-degree days because his girlfriend had a thing about sucking his neck…and other parts. That led to a hearty debate about blowjobs, and the discussion devolved from there.
Justin was the only one who was curiously quiet. He laughed at a few