to love you, and so do you. I know you still do, somewhere in that shriveled-up heart of yours.” She places her hand on my chest. “Think about that night. How I felt about you. How you thought about me. That’s the truth. The only truth.”
The only truth.
I wish it were as black and white as she’s making it out to be.
But I guess there are always two sides to the same story.
CHAPTER 22
VANESSA
Age 18
It’s prom night, and I’m dancing with a guy I don’t even want to be with. Phillip’s breath smells, his suit stinks like my old granny’s clothes, and the way he looks at me makes my skin crawl. It’s like he found a pot of gold, and he’s not afraid to dig in. I try to ignore it, but it still creeps me out from time to time. I’ve learned to cope with my disgust like I’ve learned to cope with lying to Miles. I guess that’s what it costs to be part of my family and to become part of the Starr family.
I put on a sparkly dress, vivid red lipstick, and I even put on my best shoes for this dance. All so I could convince Phillip that I’m the girl he wants. The only girl he’ll ever need. The girl he should be with. Just like he is the guy I should be with … even when my heart is saying no. I’ve grown accustomed to ignoring my heart’s pleas. Hell, I don’t even remember what it’s like to be true to myself. Like my mother says, happiness comes at a hefty price.
She bribes me with gifts; cars, clothes, more money than I can ever spend in a club. Just so I’ll be more willing to do what she wants … so I’ll marry Phillip.
And the worst part of it all is that I’m starting to feel like this is what I’m supposed to do. It’s hard to say no, and it’s even harder to resist when she’s practically burying me with gifts and threats. Sometimes I wonder what I’m really worth. Either it’s a lot or very little, which is why I constantly wonder if any of them really love me at all.
The only way I see their love for me is when they shower me with gifts. When they say I’m a spoiled kid, I can’t help but agree. It doesn’t make me happy, though. That’s what everyone believes, but they only see the mask … the mask that’s building up, layer by layer, until I can no longer see the difference between the mask and the real me.
But I’ll never give up trying to overcome it all. Despite the odds, one day, I will fly.
And that’s what I tell myself every single time I look into Phillip’s eyes.
I blink and look away, hoping the night will pass quickly so I can step out of this uncomfortable dress and take a nice, hot shower. Right when I open my eyes, Miles is dancing with a girl just a few feet away. Why is he here? He told me that he hates dancing, so why did he come to prom? He’s not even dressed properly, with his dirty white tee, flimsy flannel shirt, and regular jeans. The only new thing is the shark tooth on a black string hanging around his neck. His eyes bore into mine as we dance on the dance floor, going our separate ways. My heart sinks into my shoes as he grabs her ass tighter and pulls her closer. Something stabs at me, making me wish the girl in his arms died a slow death. It’s not like me to feel this way, but watching Miles touch another girl lights a fire in me that I can only douse by grabbing Phillip and kissing him right on the mouth.
I don’t know what drives me to do this. To kiss another just to hurt a man. It’s stupid, and jealous, and wrong … but I can’t handle the pain, and now I’m taking it out on Phillip. I’m using him as a puppet for my revenge so I can make Miles feel the same pain.
I’m bad, like in the worst way, and I don’t even know why I’m doing this but I am. Phillip’s lips aren’t the same, delicious lips that I remember when Miles kissed me. Instead, they taste like poison, and I keep my eyes open through it all, watching Miles crumple from afar.