not have my daughter disobeying me. You will behave properly, do as you’re told, and marry Phillip, so we can unite our families and acquire even greater power. You might not see it now, but this is what you want. What everyone wants … regardless of your personal wishes. You’ll see it in time.”
“I understand, Mother.”
She releases me and then starts patting down my dress, tucking my hair behind my ears as if nothing happened. As if she actually cares about me more than just keeping up appearances.
Of course, not. It’s all for show, even her love.
The only way she’ll ever be truly happy with me is if I become her.
I hate her. I hate her with all my guts. And yet, she is and will always be my mother. I want to love her, I so desperately do, which is why I have to do as she says. Why I made the wrong decision. Why I’ll become as fake as she is.
Everybody needs love.
Even if it’s the wretched, poisonous kind.
And I’ll do anything in my power to be worthy of hers.
Because I am worth it.
I am more than what she says I am … and I’ll never give up proving it.
***
Present
Turns out, I’m not so different from my mother … or what she said I am.
I’m a coward who can’t even face the consequences of my actions. Instead, I shiver in pain from the cold freezing my body. My lips are sealed shut, too cracked and sore to open. All because I’m too afraid to bleed, to lose myself to the pain, to lose myself to Phoenix and his demands.
Am I really unable to give up power in exchange for my life? Or will I fight until the very end? Even I don’t know the answer to this question. At the moment, my world is unraveling like a string untying from its own knot. Two different worlds are colliding, my past and my present, and I’m stuck in the middle, unable to make a choice.
My parents taught me to fight, to never give up, and to give my life if I had to. All for the promise of power. For self-worth, I learned to sacrifice my own wishes and those of others. But what does it all mean if I’m dead?
I don’t want to die. Not yet. I wanted to do so many things in my life. So many things I never got to do because of obligations and demands from others. And now … it could all come to an end.
If Phoenix gets angrier with me, it means I’ll never be able to see my own dreams fulfilled. After what I’ve done, I deserve his anger, but I don’t deserve this pain. I don’t deserve death.
Maybe according to him, but not according to me.
But I’m losing the will to oppose and try to outsmart him. Maybe fighting him isn’t my best option. Maybe I should just give in and let him win. In the end, it’ll only make it easier … to betray him when he least expects it.
If he thinks he’s won, if he thinks I’m broken, then either he’ll kill me … or he’ll stop trying to attack me. What other choice do I have? I’m going to die anyway, might as well try to break free.
The only way to do that is to get him to trust me. To make him feel like he owns me. And then, when he least expects it, I’ll stab him in the back and run for my life.
CHAPTER 18
PHOENIX
I get back into the bathroom after about thirty minutes have passed. I checked up on the other girl I keep in the closet and she seems to look fine, apart from her screaming red face. As long as she’s still alive, I’ll have a bargaining chip, and it’ll make it all the more fun to play with Vanessa.
She’s shivering in the tub, her teeth clattering as she has trouble even looking up at me.
I cock my head. “Had a nice shower, Princess?”
She doesn’t respond. Instead, she just shakes her head.
“I hope you had a chance to cool off,” I say, grinning. “Pun intended.”
“F-fuck. Y-you,” she mutters.
“You don’t look very clean yet, do you,” I muse, unbuttoning my pants again. “Let me help you with that.”
“What?”
“Oh, you don’t want to be clean?” I ask, taking off my pants. “And here I thought you were the ‘always prim and proper’ type of girl.”