a couple weeks early.
We may have an opening at the end of June, he’d written in response. I can email you the details as soon as I know more.
It was something to hang onto.
“Did you see this one in person?” she asked Max. “Did you go inside?” She’d found the cutest little apartment in Max’s neighborhood the other day—at least, it looked cute from the pictures and the descriptions online. But she didn’t know if that was British sleight of hand, if “trendy and cozy” actually meant “leaky, exposed pipes and a bed that shares space with the kitchen.”
“I’m going tomorrow. I’m sure it’ll be perfect.”
“Are you bringing all those books?” Jason asked as she signed off with Max. He sat on the end of her bed, a legal pad on his lap and a pen in one hand as he checked off her lists. “You know you have to pay if your bags are overweight, right?” He pointed at a table in the corner, piled high with file folders and textbooks she wanted to bring with her.
“Maybe I could ship them ahead of time? I could use Max’s address until I have one of my own.”
He made a note. “I can find out shipping rates if you want.”
She sank onto the bed. “This is getting real, isn’t it?”
“Sure is.” Jason’s cheeks colored and his gaze dropped, the way it always did when he got close to her. “I’m going to miss you.”
“I won’t be gone that long. Just a year.” But even as she said it, the days and weeks and months stretched out ahead of her. Anything and everything could happen in that time.
“Still,” he said, and let the word hang in the air.
She knew what he wanted her to say, that he should come visit her there, or that they could Skype, or that she’d miss him too. But as much as she wanted to, she couldn’t. He’d been so steady over the last few days, so helpful as she sorted through the mess of her life. A couple of times she’d almost thought they might get back together. Jason would never break her heart, she knew that with certainty. He’d never lie to her, or conveniently forget to tell her about some awful mistake in his past, or twist up her heart so that she lay awake at night pining over him.
But she would never lie awake at night pining over him.
Realizing that made her next words a little easier. “Jason, you’re a great guy. And there’s no way I can thank you enough for being here for me.” She took a deep breath. “But I think we both know we’re better off as friends. There’s someone amazing out there for you,” she went on before he could say anything. “Someone who’s going to make a great minister’s wife someday.”
He rubbed his jaw. “I don’t have to be a minister.”
“Yeah, you do. And you’ll be a great one. You’ll be just what Whispering Pines needs when your father retires.”
He didn’t say anything to that. They sat there for a while in silence.
“Is it Dash?” he asked after a while. “Are you in love with him?”
“No.” She shook her head. She didn’t love Dash. She couldn’t. Maybe she’d been close to falling in love with the man she’d thought he was, but that had turned out to be a mirage. Okay, so she hadn’t slept more than a handful of hours each night, staring at her ceiling, replaying the moments they’d spent together, the meals, the kisses, the way he’d fallen into her life like an unexpected blessing. But obviously he’d had a double identity behind all that.
She hadn’t spoken to him since the arrest. She wasn’t even sure she could, if the jail allowed visitors or phone calls, though in a town this small, Ernie would probably break the rules. He lied to me, she thought as she lay awake at night. He didn’t really lie, came the next thought. He just didn’t tell me about a pretty bad part of his past. She tried to put herself in his position. Would she have confessed an arrest and jail time to someone she wanted to spend time with?
Probably not.
But that didn’t change the heaviness in her heart. When she added in the fact that he’d stolen drugs and involved her younger brother, everything turned darker. Josie kept her up to date on Dash’s situation—he’s got a court date comin’ up, guess he’s using some public defender