swallow hard and then I nod. “I know, Dad. I’ve thought all of that through and almost lost Ally in the process because I was a jackass about the whole thing.”
“That’s unlike you. How do you mean?”
“She kissed me, and I ghosted her. She came at me, guns a-blazin’ in true Ally fashion, and all I could think was, I can’t lose this girl. I know the risks here, Dad. I do. But I can’t not be with her. I know I am navigating new territory. I’m aware of that. But we have so much history, and I don’t know, Dad, we click, like more so than just friends. And it’s good. Really good.”
He exhales heavily. “Do you love her?”
Man, talk about being kicked in the throat. I feel sweat beading at my temple as I shrug. “I’ve always loved her.”
“No, son. Do you love her?” I know what he means, but I don’t know what to say. I swallow hard, and I guess he takes that as my answer. “Mom says Ally’s always been in love with you.”
And now a kick to the balls. I feel like I’m choking as I hold his gaze. “No one knows that. She hasn’t said that.”
He side-eyes me. “She doesn’t have to say it, Asher. Everyone can just tell. And I think you do too.”
“I wish I could just feel what I feel without people telling me what I feel. Or should feel.”
His eyes fill with concern. “You’re terrified of what that can turn into.”
I blink and look away. “What does that even mean?” I ask, even though I know the answer.
“That she will have the power to break you in two, and you’ve never experienced that.” I swallow hard. Yup, I knew the answer. “I get it, son, I do. You’re a cautious dude, but it’s different with Ally. I know your mom has told you this, and I know you’re probably ignoring her, hoping you’ll be fine. And also, I know this is all new, but people get hurt, even in loving relationships.”
I bite my lip. “I’m trying—”
“I lied to your mom about Audrey dating my best friend at the time.”
I look up, meeting his gaze.
“I almost lost her because of it. Because I thought lying for Audrey was a good idea, when I knew how your mom felt about Audrey’s relationship with the guy. She didn’t want them together, and in a way, I helped hide it from her. It hurt her. If I could lie about that, what else could I lie about?”
I press my lips together. “But you guys are married, kids—”
“Because you don’t give up on the person you love.” I feel like I’m choking on a cheese stick. “I can’t tell you how you feel, Ash. Only you know that, but if you don’t plan on opening your heart to this girl, get out now.”
I look up at him, wide-eyed. “I’ll lose her.”
He shrugs. “You knew that going in. So, you need to decide what you want.”
“I want Ally.”
“But can you give her all of you? She isn’t Jasmine—Ally’ll see right through that. Remember that.”
I bite the inside of my cheek so hard, it bleeds. I knew I would be uncomfortable coming to lunch with my dad, but I never expected to feel guilt. I don’t want to hurt Ally, and I also don’t want to lose her. My dad is right, though, and I know it. This is also what Ally was implying and expecting me not to do. I’m not saying I am; I truly feel something for her. All over and all the way inside. But am I able to hand over my heart to her, knowing the risk, and accepting that she could ultimately break me?
I’m a smart guy, but even I don’t know the answer to that.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Asher
“You are driving entirely too fast.”
I glance over at Stella, and she’s actually hanging on to the door handle as if I’m going two hundred instead of fifty-two. “I’m going the speed limit.”
She glances over at me, wide-eyed. “No, you’re going too fast.”
Emery giggles from the back. “Says the person who gets honked at all the time for going too slow.”
“Shut up, Em!”
My baby sister snickers as I pull into the mall parking lot. I don’t know what I was thinking when I asked them to go shopping with me. If I had my choice, I’d take Ally to dinner naked, but apparently that’s against the law in all fifty states. Really annoying. Because