shit, this is embarrassing, but Maddy’s kind of all I have. I didn’t have time for a social life once I started taking care of her. Not that I regret it. She’s my baby sister, and I love her to pieces. But it’s really staring me in the face now how empty my life is about to become.
Maddy’s the person I take to the movies when we can afford them at the two-dollar matinee theater down the street. She’s the person I watch stupid TV shows with. I still read to her at night sometimes, except now it’s Jane Austen instead of fairy tales. And with her gone, I’m going to have all this free time and nobody to fill it.
It only takes us a day to get her packed. Neither of us has much.
“Look at you,” I joke as we survey the suitcases by the door the night before she leaves. “All ready to head out into the big bad world.”
Maddy rolls her eyes. “Don’t worry. I still remember my self-defense moves, Ellie.”
“I should hope so. Be prepared to throw some elbows.”
“I’m gonna be fine.” She bites her lip. “And you’ll be fine too, right?”
“Of course I will be. What are you doing worrying about me for? You’re about to head off on a huge adventure! You should be thinking about that!” I give an exaggerated shrug. “I’m just going to be doing my thing in Portland—regular, boring. No trouble here.”
“Ellie,” Maddy says, huffing out a breath. “I want you to have a life too.”
“I do have a life. I have a job and everything.”
“You know what I mean. I want you to…” She hesitates, glancing away, and when she looks at me again, her blue eyes are serious. “I know you’ve given up a lot for me. You’ve taken care of me, and I’m so grateful. You’re an amazing sister, and I don’t want you to ever think you haven’t been enough, because you have been. But you don’t have to look out for me so closely anymore. I’m—well, maybe I’m not a full grown adult, but I’m pretty grown up, I think we can both agree.”
I laugh in spite of myself. “True. You’re not that obnoxious twelve-year-old anymore.”
“Hey! I was never obnoxious. I’ve always been an angel.”
“Sure, sure, you keep telling yourself that.”
Maddy grabs my hands. “But you really will—you’ll find friends and stuff, right? Go out to parties and clubs and all that stuff? I know we joke that you’re an old lady at heart, but… you’re really not that old. You’re twenty-two. This is when you’re supposed to be having fun and going out and doing your thing.”
“Doing my thing?”
“Doing… men.” She blushes.
“Umm, I think if any of us is going to be hitting a home run in the romance department, it’ll be you,” I tease, squeezing her hands. “You’re not going to break too many hearts, I hope.”
“Har, har, har.” She yanks her hands away and puts them on her hips. “I want you to do things for yourself, okay? Have fun.”
“Okay. If it means that much to you, I’ll sign up for a dating app.”
“Elliot!” Maddy laughs, and I grin back. “You don’t have to take care of me anymore,” she promises. “I’m going to be okay. You can take care of yourself now.”
My throat tightens with emotion, but I don’t let it show on my face as I reach over and run a hand over her hair. “Don’t worry. I will, Mads.”
I don’t tell her this as we finish getting ready for her to leave in the morning and settle down to eat dinner on the couch, but… I’m just not very interested in any of that social stuff. Not dating, not parties, not any of it.
Sure, back when I was a teenager, I went out to the odd party, sneaking out and then feeling bad about it afterward, but I was never a huge party person. People can drain my energy really quickly. And I don’t need friends right now. I’m fine on my own. I don’t need a boyfriend, either. It would take a lot for a guy to catch my attention, anyway. I’m not easily impressed.
I’ll be just fine by myself though. I’ve got work and… I don’t know, maybe I’ll take up fucking knitting. I’ll get by. Going to school is what’s best for Maddy, and I’d never hold her back from it. I’ve sacrificed a lot for her, and even though letting her go is one of