again and clears her throat. Her voice is tight with controlled impatience when she speaks. “You need to wake up.”
“I am awake.”
“My ass. You’re squandering precious time you’ll never get back.”
“How am I squandering my time.”
“You’re hiding. You’ve turned down the chance of a lifetime for reasons you won’t share with anyone.”
I bristle and try to disengage our fingers, but she tightens her grip. “Your father died, but you're still here. And even though you can’t imagine it right now, one day you’ll regret every second you wasted, and it’ll be too late to do anything but be sorry.”
The fight goes out of her, and she lets go of my hand. She looks so tired, and for the first time I can remember, she also looks fragile. Even when my father died, and her grief was a palpable force that surrounded her like a shadow, she’d been as stalwart as always. I don’t want to be the straw that breaks her back.
Yes, what she said hit a nerve, but the truth hurts. I should be glad she still cares enough to tell it to me.
I walk over to her side of the table and kneel in front of her to hug her. Her arms envelop me instantly, and she hugs me so tight it hurts.
“I’ve missed you so much.” She presses a kiss to the side of my head before she disentangles herself from our embrace and looks up at me, her expression still full of worry. “How can I help you?”
“I don’t know.” I lift up to slide into the seat next to her, and she grabs my hand and links our fingers. “I’m sorry. I’ve had my head up my ass for months. But I shouldn’t have shut you out. I’m just…out of sorts here. I wish I could get away. But I don’t know where I’d go that’s far enough off the beaten path. “
Her expression clears, and a coy smile spreads across her face.
“Oh God. What?”
She grins. “Your father left you the lake house.”
“What? He did?”
“You’ll see when you open that envelope. It was the only thing he owned from his life before me, and he wanted you to have it.”
“Really?”
“Yes. It’s yours. You might as well use it. No one will find you there. And maybe you’ll finally see Beth.”
“Ugh, Mom—”
She squeezes our joined hands. “Find out what happened. I know she hurt—”
“She didn’t hurt me,” I lie and clench my fists. Not in anger, but to stop myself from rubbing away the phantom pain blooming dead center in my chest
“Oh, Carter…” Her eyes soften, and she reaches up to brush a lock of hair off my forehead.
“I’m fine, Mom. Really.”
She nods, her closed mouth a tender smile.
I hate the pity in her eyes. I stand and head to the sink and busy myself with the pile of dishes I’ve neglected all week.
“I was just thinking that maybe you could sublet your place while you’re gone”
“Gone where?”
“To East Winsome.”
“I’m not going to East Winsome.”
“Oh, yes you are.” She comes to stand beside me, one hip resting on the counter with a determined smile on her face.
I pick up a glass that’s lined with something dark and crusted. I grimace, not sure what was in it. I decide it’s not worth salvaging. I drop it in the trash. My mother sighs the way she used to when we’d track mud through the house or when our dog pissed on her rugs.
“Carter, that’s not disposable. Oh! Dear Lord, never mind.” She grimaces and drops it back in the trash. She bumps me aside with her hip and washes her hands.
“This mess…it’s so unlike you. Your tenant is going to need a hazmat suit.”
“Hardy har, har,”
“Carter, I think it’ll be good for you. You’ll have it all to yourself, and you’ll be so far away no one could find you. And she who I shan’t name lives a good hour away in Winsome. You won’t see her unless you make the effort to. There’s a check from the insurance company in that envelope. So, you can live for a few months without your students.”
“I need to think about it.”
“Of course you do, dear.”
It’s not a bad idea. And after messing things up with Porsha, maybe getting out of dodge would let us continue our sponsor/mentee relationship from a safe distance.
“I loved it there. I felt like myself more than almost anywhere else.”I confess.
“I know, my baby.” She tucks an errant lock of hair behind my ear and presses