How could I ever be ready to face this? To admit that Sean might have…that he might never…
“Do you want me to distract you?” Noami asked when my breathing became fast and unnatural.
I nodded.
“Okay. I’m going to tell you a secret, okay? It’s my big secret.” She was being dramatic, doing her best to really distract me. “Are you ready for it?”
I nodded.
“Okay. Here it is. My dad—the one who’s so sick that he was here for over a week last month—is a senator. And I know, I know, that’s not any big thing unless you’re from D.C., but the thing is”—she looked furtively down the hall—“he’s gearing up to make a run for the presidency.” She rolled her lips in and raised her eyebrows.
I knew she meant it to be a big reveal. Something to shock me and take my mind off of Sean, but honestly, I didn’t care. I should have at least been concerned that her senator father was still so ill—especially if he planned to run for president—but no. I just didn’t care.
“No?” she asked, sounding disappointed in my lack of response. “Most people would think that was at least a little exciting. You must be truly jaded, Libby.” She turned to face forward, but kept a comforting arm around my shoulders and heaved a sigh. “Sorry my life isn’t more salacious.”
Her apology startled a small smile from me, but it didn’t last.
She rubbed my back and I looked over at her as she squinted her eyes at the ceiling and screwed up her mouth. Honestly, watching her try to distract me was more helpful than her secret revelation.
“Oh!” She sat up straight and turned toward me. “I do have a hot bit of hospital gossip. When I was coming inside, I swear I heard someone talking about how they had seen a patient arrive, and they recognized him. Do you want to know who they said it was?”
“Sure,” I squeaked out. “I’d love to be truly shocked.”
She made a production of looking around to be sure that we were alone before leaning in to whisper, “Sean Amity.” She grinned, raising her shoulders and her eyebrows at the same time while letting out a little squeal. “A real, true blue celebrity, right in our very own hospital, and—”
She cut herself off, no doubt noticing the way the blood drained from my face and the tears welled up again.
“Oh, honey, what’s—”
I saw the moment it dawned on her. The way she looked at me, and then looked toward the door down the hall, then back at me. She was putting the puzzle together, and it did not make a happy picture.
“Oh, honey,” she lamented, clearly heartsick on my behalf. She wrapped me in her arms, rocking me back and forth. “Libby, I’m so, so sorry.”
I wasn’t sure what she was sorry about. Was it his illness? Was it my unenviable position?
“Sean Amity? How in the world did you get mixed up with that man?”
I pulled away from her, going on the defensive. “He’s not that man. He’s my friend.”
“No. I’m sorry,” she said as she rubbed my back, trying to soothe me. “That’s not what I meant. I was just surprised.”
“You said it yourself.” I swiped furiously at my tears. “People with personal security are complicated.”
“I know. I guess I just didn’t think your friend would be that complicated.”
“You don’t know him,” I said, my hackles rising.
“You’re right, I don’t. And I won’t say another word.” She did the whole zip-your-lips motion. “I’m just going to be here for you for as long as you need, all right?”
All my defensiveness melted. “Are you sure? Aren’t you busy?”
“No. Right now this is more important. You deserve to have someone who’s there for you.”
Jonas would be here if I’d let him. The thought surprised me so much that my tears suddenly stopped. I had shown up here alone because I had refused his offer of help. I could have told him at the restaurant what was happening, and he would have driven me here. He would have been here for me.
What a relief that would have been. If I had been willing to let him in, how much of my burden would he have carried for me without asking anything in return? As those questions washed over me, I realized something. I didn’t want to be the person who took from Jonas and gave him nothing. But more importantly, I didn’t want to be the person who gave and