eyes shut and clenched my fists, sucking a breath through my teeth.
“Libby?” Jonas’s voice cut through my haze of worry and I opened my eyes to look at his face.
His eyes held concern, but also a heartbreaking sort of defeat. “You need to take that?” he asked.
“I really don’t want to,” I admitted. “But yes.” I picked up the phone as I stood and gathered my purse. “I’m so sorry. There’s no excuse for this. I know. But I have to.” I begged him to understand with my eyes.
His shoulders fell and hurt scrawled across his face. “If you need to leave, then let me take you.”
“I have my car here.” Thankfully.
“You’re freaked out. You shouldn’t be driving yourself.”
I shook my head, hating myself for the way I was treating him. “Thank you, but it’s better if you don’t come.”
“How is that better?” Frustration laced his words. “Let me drive you. If you’re going to turn your life upside-down for this friend”—I could hear the quotes around the word—“then at least let me go with you.”
He was wonderful. He was wonderful and I was throwing it back in his face. But what could I do? He couldn’t go with me. Sean’s life wasn’t something that I could share. It wasn’t my place to bring other people into it. “I’m sorry.” There was nothing better I could say. “I have to go.”
His response was a forced smile and a simple “Okay.” Except it wasn’t an Okay, I understand. It wasn’t an Okay, we’ll talk later. It was a resigned Okay. A goodbye Okay.
I turned away and left the restaurant anyway, putting the phone to my ear.
“Randy?” I demanded, bracing for the worst.
“You were right.” He sounded defeated, tired, sad.
“What do you mean I was right?” My voice was shrill with panic because I knew exactly what he meant. I only wished I didn’t.
“The pain meds. He took too many. Or maybe it was because he combined them with alcohol—”
“Is he alive?” My voice screeched as fear throbbed in my throat.
“Yes. He’s alive, but he wouldn’t wake up. We’re just getting to the hospital. You need to come.”
I opened my car and jumped in. “What hospital?”
“Presbyterian again. We’re getting out of the ambulance now. See you there.” He hung up without another word.
I sent a text to Naomi, desperate to reach out to someone I could talk to, even if we never talked names or specifics.
My friend hurt himself. I’m on my way to the hospital again.
I pulled a U-turn and headed toward the hospital, driving past the restaurant as I did. Jonas was standing there, right in front of the restaurant doors, his gaze following me as I drove past. He raised a hand in farewell, and I had to assume it was the last time I’d ever see him. My heart broke a little, but I couldn’t care about that right now.
♪♫♪
Walking into the hospital was so much the same, and yet so much worse. This time, I knew where to go. I found the unofficial VIP wing easily and the staff already knew that I belonged to Sean. They gave me an update and directed me to Sean’s room. I walked in, clutching my purse like a safety blanket as I absorbed the sound of beeping machines and the gray pallor of Sean’s skin. My legs were numb as I stepped forward, petrified as I reached out to touch his hand, relieved when it was warm and alive. My fingers convulsed, clutching his hand in both of mine as something inside me broke wide open, beating against my insides in waves and torrents.
I stumbled from the room. Too much. It was too much. Too much to take in. Too much to accept. Too much.
I caught myself with a hand against the wall and let it hold me up as I forced in one deep breath after another.
“Libby!”
I turned at the sound of my name and my whole body sagged in relief at the sight of Naomi rushing toward me. I stumbled toward her and let her wrap me in her arms. “Is he okay?” She pulled back to look at me.
“I don’t know” was all I could answer before burrowing my face into her shoulder.
“Okay. Okay,” she soothed. “Come on. Let’s sit down.” She sat me in one of the chairs lining the wall and sank down beside me. “You just cry it out and tell me about it when you’re ready.”